Are You Here For The Hootenanny?

10 things I love

2012-02-14T13:05:00.000-08:00

conor and finley and they way they hold hands when walking down the street

my blankie and how I don't care if you think I'm stupid and childish and ridiculous (TARA!) because it makes me feel good

Top Ramen because it is so good I almost can't believe it's only 31 cents

conor's brown eyes and eyelashes to the ceiling, how I can picture them vividly even when he's not around

finley's blond curls because oh em gee they are so darn cute

Crossing things off a to-do list

boots over leggings because its like wearing sweats to work but I don't get in trouble for wearing sweats to work

my friends who are too numerous to name here. they are awesome and amazing and astounding and they surprise and inspire me every. damn. day.

my crockpot. really? do I need to say more?

Morgan. for the obvious reasons like he's a good dad and a good husband and he provides for us and he has a sense of humor but more for the less obvious reasons. Like, he puts up with me and thinks I'm amazing where most people would think I was crazy. he brings me coffee every. single. morning. he still sings finley to sleep. he's affectionate with me and the kids, in public, and it doesn't occur to him to be uncomfortable. he supports me in running and weight loss and laziness and weight gain. for loving me, unconditionally, through ups, downs and sideways. through excitement and bordom. for better and for worse, forever and ever.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I don't always love my job...

2012-01-23T12:03:00.000-08:00

but every once in a while, I get something like this and it makes all the not-so-great days totally worth it...

An actual email from a client

"Both K and I are so incredibly thankful for all the excellent service that we received from both you and Erin. We have never experienced this level of professional and personal care in any of our mortgage experiences in the past, nor have we ever heard of this positive experience from any of our friends. You have absolutely earned our respect and support and we will share our experience, including being a reference, with everyone. Again thank you both and once we have an open house we will let you know.Thanks, K and O"

It's not always an easy job, but it sure can be rewarding.

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

2011-12-31T13:33:00.000-08:00

I don't think it would come as a surprise to people when I say I'm not much of a Christmas person. It's so falsely festive and full of stress and deadlines and cookies full of sugar that makes my head hurt and my ass grow.

But what I really love is New Years Eve. Not going out specifically but just that fresh feeling you get whenever you wrap something big (like 365 days) up. When you can close the door on a year and look back and (somewhat) objectively view what has happened over the past 12 months.There's a feeling of peace I feel in knowing that the new year is just around the corner and the mistakes and trials of the past year are finally behind you.

Of course 2012 is already equipped with it's own batch of troubles but somehow, today on New Year's Eve, it all seems manageable. Oh, I know, I know, I'll be singing a different tune come March (or maybe even January 3rd) but right now 2012 seems full of promise. Full of hope.

I think 2011 was a difficult year for a lot of people and for a lot of different reasons. So many wonderful women I know experienced the breakdown of their marriages. And, oh, my heart just breaks for them. Others have seen their children in the hospital being pumped full of horrible, awful, life-saving chemo drugs. Friends have lost babies, had babies too early and struggled with their babies turning into teenagers.

Me? I went back to work and, well, it's damn near killed me. I had one hell of a nervous breakdown a few months ago and I still live in fear of another one somewhere on the horizon. I've felt torn between being a good employee, a good wife, a good mother, a good friend. I spent so much time this year trying to be all those things, all at once and finally I learned I can't.

Um, do you know how hard it is for someone like me to say "I can't"? Um, real hard (that's what she said. (sorry, i can't help myself sometimes)). I don't feel like I'm giving 100% of myself to any part of my life, but I'm doing the best I can and that's just got to be good enough.

On the flip side though, 2011 has been so amazing in so many varied ways. I began my year by losing 20 pounds and ended the year losing 10 more. I started a half marathon training program and then ran a half marathon with my amazing sister-in-law. I faced my fear of failure, by failing spectaularly and I'm still here. The world actually DIDN'T end! I know, it shocked me too. I've gained confidence in myself even in spite of, or perhaps because of, my lack of perfection.

I did hot yoga! It was awful!

I made some really great friends this year (you know who you are!) and I deepened existing friendships. I've worked really hard on being honest this year in terms of my feelings and my needs and in being true to myself and not who I think others want me to be. And, instead of pushing people away, it's actually brought them closer. Who knew that a little vulnerability could go so far!

If you were to ask me 50 years from now which year I would go back and visit, I don't think I would say 2011. But, the amazing thing about this year is that all the shitty, shitty things that have happened have strengthened me, my friends, my family. I hope you have a just the BEST New Year's Eve and I wish that 2012 is your best year yet.

Wow. I really miss writing. I should do this more often.

Occupied

2011-11-13T20:37:00.001-08:00

Two of my dearest friends have pointed out that I don't blog very often any more. So, I'm going to try to fix that. i miss the release that writing gives me and I need to make more time for it.So, what's been going on lately? Well, work, for one. And kids for another. And buying a house and keeping up with friendships and relationships and oh, I started doing yoga and I'm running again and really, it's no wonder I haven't been writing.

So, I'll start with the most important, Conor and Fin. They're kind of awesome. Conor is finally, slowly working his way out of the TERRIBLE 3's. Lord have mercy this has been one hell of a stage. Such stubbornness, such defiance, such just kind of being an a-hole. And then, in the blink of an eye, he's telling me he loves and Mommy? can we please snuggle? Oh, 3. You're a wily little monkey. I can't stand how much I love him.

Finley? Oh. My. She is just the cutest little handful you've ever seen. Feisty and willful and sassy. I really don't know where she gets it. She's the girl who will walk into a room and do whatever is needed to be sure all eyes are on her. This is adorable now but terrifying when she gets to college. Like, super terrifying. When I drop her off at day care in the morning the first thing her teachers do is put up all the baby gates. She's a mini hurricane wrapped around a tornado with thunder and lightning thrown in for good measure. She'll give you a kiss, meow like a cat and then smack you in the eye like it's all nothing to her. I can't stand how much I love her.

Our house is great even though it's been a pretty big source of stress for me. I do trust Morgan's vision for our house but I'm not patient so I want it all to happen NOW! But it's slowly coming together and slowly feeling like home and I've finally caught up on laundry so I'm starting to feel a little more grounded. I have Morgan, I have my little monkeys, what more can I ask for?

Work? Oh dear, that's a different story. I really love being back at work. Like, really, really love it. I thought I would miss the kids more, and I do, but I'm so NOT meant to be a stay at home mom. But being a working mom is a whole different kind of stress. It's the constantly running late for something, never having the right outfit and feeling a whole lot like I don't know what I'm doing. But, oh how I love to have grown up conversations and feel like I'm actually accomplishing things. Also, money is nice.

Today Morgan had a service call on a light tower that had been rented by the Portland Police Department and was being used in the middle of the Occupy Portland camp. I have been completely transfixed by the looming conflict between the Occupiers and the police and Mayor and so I had Kristen watch the kids so I could go along. It was just fascinating to be down there and see all the madness. We were there for about an hour and while Morgan was doing his thing I wandered around to get a feel for what was going on. Mostly just a bunch of surly looking folks (most of them looked, and smelled, like hobos) and it was a little scary and a lot exciting. I was sort of riveted watching the police line up, arms length apart, surrounding the two parks. I was impressed with their restraint while being taunted by some of the more rowdy protesters and tried to make it very clear that I was just an on-looker so please don't arrest me, okay? We ended up leaving before things got too out of hand, but it was fun to be in the middle of the excitement for a bit.

Life is just busy these days. I miss my friends, I miss my me time, I miss having a moment or two to clean the house, I miss spending quality time with Morgan where we're not interrupted every freaking 3 seconds by the needs of two very adorable, yet very demanding little people. I'm told that it won't always be this way, that soon their needs will become fewer and our time will become more and that I'll miss this constant neediness. Right now, if I'm being honest, I can't see how I'll miss this. But I suppose, like any stage of childhood, it comes with it's own challenges which are always outweighed by it's rewards. I remind myself that it won't be too much longer before Conor won't ask to snuggle (it's hard even now to get him to hold my hand, independent little monster that he is) and soon Finley won't meow like a cat just to see us laugh. It's funny how every day their needs weigh me down but that every day they're growing away from me. It's liberating and terrifying all at the same time.

I'm spending so much time trying to wrap my arms around this life that we've built, trying to corral all the madness and that makes it hard for me to enjoy it. But the tick-tock of time marches on (hello cliche anyone?) and if I don't let a bit go I'll wake up one day and not remember all the tiny precious moments that make up this chaotic, beautiful life.

Quick Takes

2011-09-18T14:17:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a looooong time. Mainly because the thought of trying to detail everything that has happened in the past few months is more than a little daunting. So here, in no particular order, is what has been going on over the past few months.

1. Our little girl turned one. If anyone knows how this happened, please let me know. She has turned out to be such a funny, bright, silly little girl. In so many ways just like her brother, in so many ways, she is so different. I think perhaps the most noticeable is her individuality and her ability toward self amusement. I've mentioned this before but it's become more and more pronounced as she gets older. She loves to sit by herself and play with whatever is handy. Today that happened to be a dishtowel and a measuring spoon. I sat across the room watching her and was just consumed by how freaking amazing she is. She's really beginning to talk now and loves to repeat words. In case you're keeping a tally, we have Mommy, Daddy, Tucker, car, ball, bear (rrrarrrrw), bubble, Buggy, tree, poopy (yep.) and HIIIIIIII. She. Is. So. Cute. Can't stand it.

2. I ran a half marathon on the 4th of July. I began training for it in January and expected to run it solo. I was so, SO glad when my sister-in-law, Josie, decided she wanted to run it with me. We trained together on a number of long weekend runs, including one rather miserable 11 wet, rainy, cold miles. We thought we were going to die but we didn't and a few weeks later we tackled 13.1 miles with style. Ok, there was no style but we wore matching tank tops and we finished without dying so, I count that as a success. It was pretty freaking awesome and I am so glad we did it.

3. I went back to work. Oh yeah, kind of a big one. My first day was May 19th and I worked 2 or 3 days a week until I went back full time near the end of June. I spent a few weeks working in our Lake Oswego office and then was transferred out to our Clackamas office. I was not happy. Clackamas is a long way from Tigard. Turns out I totally fell in love with the group of people who work at the Clackamas branch. I'm now back in Lake Oswego which is much better for my commute but I really, REALLY miss those people I got to know in Clackamas. Funny how you can become so attached so quickly.

Working has come with its challenges and its rewards. First of all, I LOVE being back at work. I just really am meant to be a worker. Which is not to say that being a stay at home mom is not work BECAUSE IT IS, just that, I really like working out of the house. My pay checks barely cover day care and gas (and in fact, didn't cover day care and gas when I was out in Clackamas) but it doesnt' matter. I love working.

I do face challenges though. I struggle everyday with trying to maintain a perfect image (not looking perfect - those days are long since past) but trying so hard to make sure everyone thinks I know everything and won't make any mistakes. This is the pattern I had gotten myself in before at work and it is so hard to keep that up. So, guess what, I make mistakes. A lot. Just when I think I can't make any more mistakes, I'll make one. And that's ok. It turns out that everyone makes mistakes. That seems like a really simple thing but I have a hard time accepting that I'll make mistakes. Or, more accurately, forgiving myself when I do make mistakes. So, I'm working on it.

(secret whisper voice: I don't miss the kids as much as I thought I would. Oh my goodness, I can't believe I said it, but IT IS TRUE!)

4. I did Portland to Coast again this year. This year I captained our team. It was great when I wasn't working because it gave me something to do. My little project. It got a lot harder when I went back to work. I was all set to pass my captaining duties to someone else for next when I went and set up both a Portland to Coast walking team and a Hood to Coast running team for 2012. Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking either. Oh well. It's always such a fun event and next year Morgan and I are both on our running team. Just a little challenge that will be fun for us to take on together.

5. We bought a house. Well, we haven't closed escrow yet but hopefully on October 12th, we'll be happy homeowners again. Our house is going to be awesome. Right now it's a little dated and needs some TLC but Morgan's taking a week off of work after we close and I trust in his vision to make is perfect. I can't wait to move in and start our life there. We plan to stay in the house until after our little darlings have graduated high school. Wow, hardly seems possible that my little babies could ever be in high school.

6. Conor is a giant. A giant monster, sweet, smart as a whip giant. We're still struggling with potty training but so many other things are awesome right now. We went to the circus yesterday and he was completely enthralled. Enraptured even. If I loved anything half as much as Conor loved the circus I would be the happiest woman on earth. We also got to ride the MAX to the circus and that may have even been better than the actual circus. Even though he annoys me greatly sometimes (a lot of the times) I am so lucky to be his mommy (yeah, he still calls me Mommy - I love it). Ask anyone, he is one cool kid.

7. Morgan and I had our 7 year Meet-a-versary. We met on Labor Day weekend in 2004. I was coming off a bad breakup, Morgan was looking to get married. We were most definitely NOT in the same place. We spent one super amazing day on the beach together in San Diego and felt so comfortable with one another it was kind of, well, shocking, I guess. Seven years later we hung out in the beach in Seaside with our kids. It wasn't quite the same but, looking back, both days make me smile for different reasons. Two really good days out of life built, mostly, of good days. That's saying something, right there.

Finley

2011-07-13T14:06:00.000-07:00

Finley Pig! Peanut Butter! Clare Bear! Baby Cakes! You are the child of many nicknames. You are the perfect complement to our family. The daring baby, unafraid to walk off steps, plunge head-first off bunk beds, changing tables, couches or the deck. You refuse to be left behind and if you can't crawl or walk fast enough, you plop down on your little cloth diapered bottom and scream your bloody head off until someone picks you up and brings you along.

You unreservedly love everyone you've ever met or seen but rather than flash your 1000 watt, be-dimpled smile, you regard strangers with quiet curiosity. That is until they try to hold you and then you can't jump out of my arms fast enough.

You seem to be pretty independent a fact which I just noticed today as you sat quietly near my feet reading a book. As much as you love to be a part of the group, you seem content with your solitude, or at least your quiet time.

Just like your brother before you love to eat. You will eat pretty much anything I put in front of you and if we're having lasagna, watch out! You will out eat me and Conor and very nearly consume as much as Daddy.

Oh, and speaking of Daddy...yeah, you love him. Like, love, love, LOVE him. And my goodness does he just love you right back. The other day he came home from work and I was in the kitchen doing something while you were in the living room where I had locked you beind the gate (oh I will miss the days when I can legally lock you into a room). I thought you were going to pull that gate right off the wall so excited were you to see your Daddy. DADA is by far your favorite, and most often used, word. You also love Tucker (TATA) which, of course, drives me crazy. Tucker seems to prefer you over Conor as well although as you're getting older you're beginning to get a little rougher with him. Bless his little dog heart though, he just endures it all.

You don't really talk much, you have no teeth but but you make plenty of noise when you need something. You have the softest skin of any baby, anywhere, ever, I swear it.

We have this night time routine and Daddy and I fight over it. I bring you into your room all smelling good from the bath tub or from the lotion that we've used instead of giving you a proper bath, and sit you down on my lap for one or two stories. Conor used to sit with his back facing my chest but we sit tummy to tummy and I hold the book backward so you can see it. When we're done, I pull you foward so your head rests on my chest, my chin on your head . You reach your sweet, soft hands into my shirt sleeves or my collar and rub the fabric back and forth, back and forth. I rock you and sing the "Strawberry Love" song. After a few minutes, you stop rubbing and your breathing, once quick and shallow, slows to long, slow inhales and exhales. in...out...in...out. A tiny little arm twitch, followed by a bigger leg twitch and finally a big, full body twitch and you're asleep. If Daddy can't find me, he pokes his head in your door and his eye meet mine. He knows I can't get up. He wouldn't get up either. You are too, too sweet to put down. I could sit there all night, tummy to tummy listening to the perfect breathing of my baby girl.

You're our last baby, the last little member of the Walsh family and it's like you complete the puzzle from which we didn't even know a piece was missing. You came along and "click". Perfect.

Oh, I hate to see you growing up because I want to hold you and love you and snuggle you forever and I know, one day, you'll pull away and then one day after that, you'll be gone, off at the mall with friends or driving around back roads with the windows down singing at the top of your lungs. but today, on your birthday, you're my baby. Sweet, perfect Finley.

I love you more than is humanly possible,

Mommy

Just pictures

2011-06-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

Love everything about this pictures. From her expression, to the way she is standing on one leg like she's posing for the camera. She just could not be cuter.

I realize that this picture is over exposed and blurry but I still love it..

Again, over exposed but he actually picked this flower out for me and handed it to me. I did not ask him to pose like this.

Gorgeous tulips

Tulips and weeds

Just a tree

Conor and Wyatt.

Yikes. This is one handsome kid.

Too much light so I attempted to fix with black and white but still, she is so adorable!


Oh goodness.

I wish I had a good reason why I haven't been blogging lately but I have no excuse other than I feel like I don't really have anything to say. The writing bug will come back to me but for now, I've got a bit of writers block so please bear with poorly-captioned pictures.

Easter, part one of...oh I lost count

2011-05-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

The Easter Bunny came early to our house this year so that Zack could hunt for eggs with us. The Friday before Easter was one of the rare sunny days we've had this year and we used the heck out of it. Because the front yard has far less poop than does the back yard the EB chose to hide the eggs out front this year.

First egg of the day

Zack finds an egg

Eggs in trees

That didn't take long

Eyes on the prize

Hands are full already but there's always room for more

Juggling

You mean there's CANDY in here?

Zack finds candy too

CANDY!

Three little heads

Finley decides she's going to take take some for herself

Subsequently, Zack decides he's just going to get the heck out of here

Conor enjoyed three Easter egg hunts this year and as a result we have more candy than we know what to do with. We actually have four Easter bunnies. You know what happens to four Easter bunnies? Mommy eats them. Awesome.

Finley - Nine Months

2011-04-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

Our little girl is 9 months old! Can you believe it? And she's just the cutest, sweetest little spitfire you've ever seen. She's doing all sorts of fun things like crawling, and crusing and dancing. She's headed quickly for that baby-proof the house stage which, if I'm being honest, I probably won't do. In fact, yesterday I found her chewing on an outlet cover.

After three months of one ear infection after another I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that we're done with ear infections (and weekly Dr.'s office visits) for at least a few months.

Fin's started to say things like Dada, occasionally Mama and always Tata (for Tucker). Man, she loves that damn dog. She ate baby food for about a week before I gave up and just fed her what we were eating. Just the other night she ate more lasagna than Conor did. And, believe it or not, she'll out eat YOU on spaghetti night.

She's become quite vocal when left alone or if wants a particular toy (usually the "toy" is my phone or the remote control). She's got a bit of an attitude for sure but she'll scream in your face for no apparent reason and then, in the very next moment, turn those baby blues on you like-What? I'm adorable even when I scream.

She goes to bed like a champ every night and, unlike Conor, she'll fall asleep on our chests and Morgan and I find ourselves snuggling waaaay past bedtime.

She had her 9 month checkup yesterday and weighs in at 17 pounds 12 ounces and 28.5 inches long. Still holding steady at 25% for weight and 75% for height.

Finley had her first turn on a swing last week and didn't care for it too much.

Pretty pitiful but still so darn cute

Our little girl is still the perfect addition to our family.

Flowers and freakouts

2011-04-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
― C.S. Lewis

You know how sometimes you hear just the right thing at just the right time?

I think I"m going to go back to school. To get my MBA in Healthcare Management.

I'm a little freaked out by this. (Morgan, who is just now reading this is more than a little freaked out by this.)

Here's the thing: I was planning on getting my Masters degree anyway. I was just planning on getting a Masters in teaching. Now that the whole teaching profession has gone in the crapper (not that teaching is crappy or that teachers are crappy just that the great state of Oregon has decided that educating our children is not really that important and the districts are no longer hiring new teachers because they've got so many experienced teachers that have been laid off - and I lost my train of thought. Teachers = Good. Just for the record) it doesn't seem very financially responsible to spend $25,000 on a degree which leads to a job that I can't possibly be hired for. But! I need a job. And I might as well have majored in under-water basket weaving for all the good my degree in Social Science is doing me right now. And healthcare is a huge, growing field! And the BLS website says they make more money (lots more) than teachers do and that the industry as a whole is expanding rather than contracting and...and...and...

Ok, breathe. So, I'm going to an information meeting tomorrow at Marylhurst and one next week at Portland State and we'll see...

Wish me luck.
Thank you for listening. Here are some pictures of pretty flowers.

Fair Weather

2011-03-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

Today was such a nice afternoon (and by nice I mean 62 degrees and overcast, but it's all about your perspective - after 29 straight days of rain I'm counting 62 and NOT raining damn near tropical) the kids and I played outside.

I played on my phone but that's still playing so it counts.

She's like, what is this "outside" you speak of? It's fabulous!


She can raise one eyebrow! I love it.

Conor was playing golf (see the stick?) and is pointing to his "hole in one."

It's a dirty face but a cute one.

Private eyes (clap) are watching you (clap, clap) (10 points if you know the name of that super cool 80's band)

Yeah, he went behind these bushes to poop. When he's 13 and reads this, he's gonna kill me.

Always watching Conor

Always watching the big kids down the street

Thank goodness spring is here...even if only for today.

Before and After

2011-03-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

Twelve weeks ago I paid $20 and entered the Biggest Blogging Loser weight loss competition. Originally I thought the final pot would be about $700. It turned out to be over $1500 for first place and over $600 for second place.

After the first couple of weeks I knew there was no chance I would be the overall winner nor would I take second place. And while that was disappointing, watching the numbers steadily go down on the scale kept me sending in those weekly weigh in photos.

In those 12 weeks I lost a total of 16.8 pounds and I didn't take any pills or go on Atkins or eat only raw carrots. I watched what I ate (courtesy of Weight Watchers) and I worked out 3 to 4 days per week. And it felt awesome.

When I started at the gym I couldn't run more than 6 minutes without having to stop (I lied and told Morgan that I ran for 11 minutes. Total fabrication.) This weekend I ran for 77 minutes and 7 miles. And it felt awesome.

When I started watching what I ate I couldn't tell you how much pasta should have been on my plate versus how much chicken or vegetables. I learned and it felt awesome. When I started I felt hungry all the time. Like, all. the. time. I would eat 10 almonds or a string cheese and just wait for the hunger pains to return. Now, I'm not hungry all the time. I can eat a meal, then eat a snack and feel satisfied.

I cut out a lot of sweets and a LOT of beer but I was able to eat and drink both on occasion so I never felt deprived. I even spent two weekends away from home eating and drinking merrily and came home to find I had still lost weight. And that felt awesome.

I was surprised to learn that I am an emotional eater. When I was stressed or bored I would head to the kitchen. That was a pretty easy habit to break once I recognized it but it surprised me nonetheless. The hardest habit to break, by far, was my naptime munchie-fest. Every day, as soon as I put the kids to bed, I would hit the kitchen and eat whatever sweet or salty treat I could find. Sometimes I would just eat more lunch. Even still, as soon as I leave our hallway I'm tempted to check out the contents of our cabinets. I found that eating (slowly savoring is more like it) 3 dried apricots usually got me over the worst of the cravings.

I also learned that when I fell off the wagon so-to-speak, it was SO hard to get back on. Almost like starting over but with slightly less motivation because I had already lost a fair amount of the weight I wanted to take off.

Finally, I learned something really important about myself. I learned that I can be fit and healthy and feel good. And not because of the size of my ass, or arms or thighs. I learned that by losing this weight I feel more confident, not because I am physically smaller, but because I feel a true sense of accomplishment in having started something and succeeded. I take pride in how I look because I worked HARD to get to this point. And THAT feels awesome.

BEFORE AFTER

January 1st, 2011

March 28th, 2011

I still have about 6 pounds to go until I reach my ideal weight but I feel so pleased with where I am today. My happy weight. Who knew that I would feel better about myself at almost 32 than I ever did at almost 22?

I'm probably jinxing myself right now...

2011-03-19T10:36:00.000-07:00

...but I'm going to go ahead and say it. Conor is potty trained!

I don't remember if I've chronicled our adventures in potty training here or not. Probably not because there have been some EPIC battles which have left both of us in tears and I've probably felt too embarrassed to write about it here.

So, nearly a year ago I decided that it was time to start potty training Conor. Originally I had felt ok about having two kids in diapers but upon telling people about this I was looked at in such horror and disgust that I immediately changed my mind. You know, so that other people wouldn't think I was...well whatever I was thinking at that time.

I learned about the 3-day potty training system and after hearing ringing endorsements from a couple friends decided that this was the route to go.

I won't go into details but it was, in a word, AWFUL. So, so, SO bad. I had to have been seven and a half months pregnant at the time, I was finishing up my last term at school and awash in pregnancy hormones.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

So, we gave up. And thank goodness we did. UGh. It was bad.

We kept trying intermittently over the next several months but Conor would not go on the potty. He would hold it for upwards of six to eight hours, then commit a timeout-worthy offense then pee in timeout. We would rush him to the potty, he would hold it some more than complain about his tummy hurting. Poor guy.

A couple of weeks ago though we ran out of diapers. I told Conor he needed to wear underpants until I could get to the store. The day got away from me and soon Conor ran up to me, said he needed to go potty (this in and of itself was not unusual) but when he sat on the potty he actually WENT IN THE POTTY.

That was almost two weeks ago and he's been dry ever since. He's refused to wear a diaper at nap or at night but has kept dry while sleeping too.

Since Finley is now in cloth diapers and Conor is now in underpants we are saving more than $60 per month in disposable diapers. So awesome.

(I can't believe I just wrote an entire post about pee. I'm a little disgusted with myself.)

Cute. Just cute.

2011-03-18T13:57:00.000-07:00

These girls. I think they will be best friends.

This girl. Damn. Slays me every time.

File this one under Why Do I Even Bother?

2011-03-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

Seriously, kids? It's freaking St. Patrick's Day, I 'm stuck at home with you ankle biters when I should be out drinking green beer LIKE A REAL IRISH LASS, and you can't even give me a good picture?

I wash my hands of you.

But only after I kiss your cute little faces off.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

Besides my birthday and Thanksgiving, St. Patrick's Day has got to be my favorite day of the year. It used to be that I would go out and "celebrate" in true mid-twenties style. Alas, those days have passed and now I celebrate by dressing my kids in the cutest green outfits I can find.

I can't exactly put my finger on what is so fun about St. Patrick's Day but it feels like it has all the joy of Christmas, all the fun of Halloween and all the beer of Oktoberfest. Plus everyone pretends to be Irish so I can walk around being all superior because I actually AM Irish. Man, St. Patrick's Day might actually be better than my birthday.

I do miss celebrating St. Patrick's Day though. Green beer just isn't the same when you dye it yourself at home.

And, happy birthday (tomorrow, I think) to Grandpa Joe, the finest Irishman (excluding my own dear husband) I know.

Whenever I dream,

It seems I dream

Of Erin’s rolling hills

Of all its lovely, shimmery lakes

And little babbling rills.

I hear a colleen’s lilting laugh

Across a meadow fair.

And in my dreams

Its almost seems

To me that I am there

O, Ireland! O, Ireland!

We’re Never far apart

For you and all your beauty

Fill my mind and touch my heart

Somday I'll visit.

This is what happens when I am left unattended

2011-03-06T20:49:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Jenn sent me an email earlier today with her recipe for cinnamon rolls. I only responded to it this evening while Morgan was out picking up a chair we bought off craigslist.

This email I sent to poor, unsuspecting Jenn is EXACTLY why I should not be left unattended with a computer on my lap.

Thank you! I can't wait to make these.

(Morgan thanks you too. Really, he's like contemplating asking you into our marriage. I think that's weird.)

(actually that's not true (the part about Morgan opening our marriage to you is not true. The part about me thinking it's weird is true.) I just made it up. Morgan's not even home now.)

(But! if he was home, he would certainly be excited that I have a delicious cinnamon roll recipe.)

(I think the fact that Morgan is gone is causing me to ramble via email)

(Do you sort of wish I would stop writing?)

(I CAN'T SEEM TO STOP!!!!)

(Oh thank God, I hear the garage opening. Once again Morgan saves me from myself.)

Wishing you sweeat dreams and cinnamon roll kisses.

What the hell is a cinnamom roll kiss?

SOMEONE TAKE THE COMPUTER FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beautiful

2011-03-02T14:33:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed a girls weekend this past weekend at my wonderful Aunt Nancy's cabin on Mt Hood. The cabin was perfect. Tiny, rustic but with flush toilets and easily traversible roads. I was joined by six really amazing women who I've known for years. A few of them I've known since I was in jr. high school and they were cool high schools kids. Never did I think I'd be drinking Spanish Coffee and having sleepovers together when we were all in our 30's.

I feel like women have better or stronger or maybe more sustainable friendships than men do. Maybe it's because we're naturally more emotional people, maybe it's just because we actually NEED to have these relationships and will brave snowy roads and freezing temperatures in order to keep these relationships intact.

Whatever the reason, I'm so lucky to blessed with a big circle of girls that I can call my friends. They're all beautiful each in their own way.

All of us

Jenn, managing to look gorgeous even while sledding down a mountain

Having dinner

Spanish Coffee!

Taneha, in her first round of our sledding competition

Lindsay, whose skin looks ridiculously beautiful

Nikki, in her classic Nikki pose. What you can't see are her blue moon boots.

Kristen, trying to hide from the camera as usual

Tara, showing us how to Zumba. We were not good.

I Am A Runner

2011-02-25T13:20:00.000-08:00

This is a pretty cool place to be. I never thought I would "be" a runner. I thought I might be a person who runs but never a runner.

Since I started training for my half marathon back in January I've improved the length of time I can run by 19 minutes and I've improved my per mile time by two minutes. And, while these accomplishments feel good, what I like best is that I can hop on the treadmill, run for 30 minutes and not feel like I'm going to die after the first five minutes. And that's how I know. I am a runner.

I won't go so far as to say I like running but I can definitely say I don't hate it.

I want to own this necklace someday. Just to remind me.

Finley's funny faces

2011-02-15T16:44:00.000-08:00

I took these pictures one afternoon right before Finley got sick. I thought that she was just being cute but looking back, perhaps she was trying to tell me something.

3 year stats

2011-02-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

At two Conor was 33 pounds, 38 inches tall and in the 95%+ for both height and weight.

At three Conor is 39 pounds, 42.5 inches tall and still in the 95%+ for both.

According to this website he is the height of an average SIX year old and the weight of an average 4 year old.

He'll probably be taller than me before his fourth birthday.

Wyatt

2011-02-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

Today is my friend, Wyatt's birthday. Have you ever met a kid who just steals your heart from the moment you meet them? I felt that way about Wyatt when I first met him. There was just something special about him. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but I felt drawn to him. Maybe its because he's cute as a freaking button.

Wyatt is one of those kids who is so sweet that even when he steals a drink from someone, you can't help but smile and then take a picture of him.

Wyatt loves shirts with buttons, Farmer and Picket, equally distributing toys around the room, dogs, cats and being referred to as Wolfie.

Oh yes, he also loves cake. But, really, who doesn't?

This is his beautiful mom, Michelle. She is one of the Monday Girls.

Wyatt is a happy boy, full of silly sayings. He enjoys playing outside to almost any activity inside.

Wyatt was one of the first people to meet Finley and he was so gentle and sweet with her. He'll make a great big brother someday.

Thanks for being such a great friend, Wyatt. All us Walshes love you a real whole lot and hope you have a fabulous third birthday!

The Sickness - Now with added Phlegm!

2011-02-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

My poor little peanut. So she had the flu. Then pink eye. Then pink eye, AGAIN. Then two ear infections and finally, bronchiolitis.

The flu was sad, the pink eye was gross and a little pitiful. The ear infections and the bronchiolitis? Horrible. The poor baby has been coughing so much that she has lost her voice and when she screams no sound comes out. Her breathing is so raspy you can hear it across the room. And that's when she's not moaning in pain.

Her whole little face has been swollen and her blue eyes are red rimmed with cold-sickness. She's got dry scaly patches on her face from all the snot.

She's finally feeling better and is able to eat and drink again. In fact, after her 6 ounces this morning she devoured a whole graham cracker. Thank goodness.

She and Conor both got flu shots yesterday. It seems the flu that is going around this year is pretty terrible and I'm not taking any chances.

Love and Sunshine from the House O the Virus,

You're THREE! (Now, please stop growing)

2011-02-06T11:22:00.000-08:00

First, you were born. And you were perfect and so beautiful and you looked at me and I looked at you and it was like we both thought "Oh! It's you! I've been waiting for you." And you were tiny and loud and strong willed even on that very first morning.

And then you were one. And you kind of rocked my world. You seemed so big to me then, but now, looking back, I can see you were so little. Still independent, still loud, but with a tiny (actually a very big) personality to go with it. I remember you careening around the house like a teeny drunken sailor and every day it seemed like you had a new bump or bruise.

And last year you were two. And, despite my protests, you had officially left babyhood behind. You loved Monster Trucks and shaving with Daddy and Lightning McQueen and big trucks. Always, always, ALWAYS with the big trucks. That second year was a bit of a challenge as you were testing out toddlerhood and yes, even more independence and still strong willed and (have I mentioned this?) LOUD!

And now, all of a sudden and almost without me noticing it, you're three!

And oh! You have the attitude to prove it. You're busy and a blur of energy and you're still LOUD and even more strong willed and there are days when we fight and fight and fight and I think to myself, who is the grown up here? But also, there are other days when you crawl into my bed early in the morning for a snuggle, or you climb up onto the couch with me after your nap before you're fully awake and you let me rub your back and smell your head and you'll give me as many kisses and hugs as I ask for.

You have an enthusiasm and a zest for life that I hope you always carry with you. The fun you will have if you allow all the amazing little things to continue amazing you. You're so excited by birds and flowers and friends and, of course, BIIIIIIIIIIIIG TRUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!

And you're freaking funny! Just the other day Ellen was on and Jennifer Aniston came on and first you said "Hey Mommy, she's from your special show." And then you said, "Ohhhhh, she's cute." And Daddy was happy.

And then, a few weeks ago, you were having a hard time going to sleep and you asked where Mommy and Daddy where we were going, and I said that we were going out to the living room and you said, "ohhhhhh, so you can kiiiiiiisssssss." Where do you come up with these things?

But, on top of being funny and strong willed and LOUD, you can be so sweet. You love to see your friends and are (most of the time) happy to share your toys with them. You are worried when someone else cries and you love to give hugs and kisses when it's time for your friends to leave. You've got an excellent memory so even if we haven't seen a certain friend for quite a while, you can pick back up with them right where you left off.

You aren't potty trained yet, a fact which leaves me both frustrated and resigned. I know it will come in time but, like you, I'm not very patient. I'm trying to lay off - you'll do it when you do it, right?

This year has been a big year in so many ways not the least of which is you becoming a big brother.

Last year, when I was pregnant with Finley, I wrote that I was worried about how you would react to your new baby sister. And, frankly, I'd be lying if I said there weren't any hiccups. We definitely had a few rough weeks but what's interesting to me is that you've never taken your feelings of jealousy out on your sister. Daddy and I have taken the brunt of that. But it's been so wonderful to see how sweet you are to Finley. You are a great big brother and she is so lucky to have you. You give her the gentlest kisses and when she wakes up from her naps you rush into her bedroom with me and say, "Hi, Beauty Girl" and it's so innocent and loving and I just want to squeeze you both forever.

Conor, I couldn't have asked for a better boy. If I had made a list when I was pregnant with you I couldn't have listed all the ways you amaze me every day. We have a book and the last line reads:

And if I had a million days
And time enough for all the praise
I couldn't tell you all the ways
I love you.

You're quite simply perfect.

I love you to the moon, and around the stars, and under the ocean, and on the tram and right back to your bed.

Forever and always,

Mommy

Birthdays and Bathtime

2011-02-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

Birthdays are always fun. Even when you get older (like almost 32, for example) it's hard to not enjoy a time when you get presents and cake. I don't care how birthday cynical you are, presents and cake are always good.

On a completely unrelated note, it is important to keep your children away from your lipstick. Because even though the color looks adorable on them, sometimes the natural look is better. (Just kidding, it's beets)

Which leads us too....

The first tandem bath! Oh, the cute just doesn't stop around here!

Look how happy she is!

Eek! They are so cute together!

OMG. How about I just nomnomnomnom your little face right off!

The sickness

2011-02-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

I had this post all half typed out about how we're all so sick, so, so, SO sick but it was really just a litany of complaints - and who wants to read about that? - so I deleted it. Suffice to day, we've been sick. First a cold, then the flu (which spread like wildfire to literally EVERYONE we came into contact with), then pink eye and finally another cold. Ugh.

I've had some various appointments and things going on and the kids have been in day care at church, at the hosoital and at the gym and basically, I do not look forward to going back to work and dealing with this stuff as an ongoing problem.

I guess the good news is that their little immune systems are growing stronger but considering the amount of vomitous laundry I've done over the last two weeks, I'll take weak immune systems and just never let them leave the house.

Conor has a birthday coming up (THREE!) and we celebrated with a party with his friends last weekend. Conor's favorite part was the cake. Smart boy. We'll be going out to dinner with Opa and Grandma on FRiday to Red Robin (because it is THE BEST place to take kids. It's so NOISY!), then we'll celebrate a bit with Nana and Papa on Super Bowl Sunday.

While I won't have any candles of my own toblow out, I'll certainly be wishing for healthy kids when Conor blows out his.

Six months!

2011-01-10T13:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Baby Clare Bear,

How did you get to be six months old? It seems like just yesterday you were determined to claw your way out of me in less than ten minutes. It's ok, Baby Girl, you're so dang sweet I've already forgiven you for it.

And when I say,so dang sweet, I really mean the sweetest, happiest, most charming baby I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Man, I love you so much it's nearly beyond comprehension.

You're everything your brother wasn't at your age. You're mellow (among a dozen other nicknames, we frequently call you Mellow Yellow), and happy and perfectly content to just sit and watch the rest of us do our thing. You almost never fuss and when you do it's easily remedied with a diaper change, a nap or a snack. Where Conor's eyes were dark brown at six months, yours are bright blue and we can't go out in public without having people comment on how pretty they are.

And you're quiet. In fact, on several occasions I've had a moment of panic thinking I've left you somewhere. I haven't yet but maybe you could squeak every now and then to put my mind at ease.

Oh, you're just everything I could have hoped my little girl would be and I love you so, so, so much I can hardly stand it.

Keep on growing Little Bit, keep on growing.

Love,

Mama

50 things

2011-01-09T15:57:00.000-08:00

AFter being inspired by this post from Niki I decided that I too would declutter 50 items from my home. I was a little daunted by the thought of getting rid of 50 whole items but once I got started-WOW! I could have kept going all day.

1. An expired discount card from Jiffy Lube
2. An old comb
3. A stack of envelopes whose cards have long since been sent
4. A ziploc full of broken watch parts
5. Shadow boxes that I received as a shower gift but never hung
6. 5 year old dog treats
7. 16 cookbooks
8. two candles
9. A 10 foot long telephone cord
10. A dead bamboo plant and pot
11. flower seeds
12. nuts, bolts, other assorted junk drawer paraphenilia
13. knobs to Conor's homemade changing table that we never put on and that was given away more than two years ago
14. 2010 advent calendar
15. magazine clippings with great ideas that i will never implement
16. mostly used sticky note pads
17. pens
18. pencils
19. spent hi-lighters
20. breath mints
21. an apron that I've never worn
22. three homemade cans of salmon that I've had for over a year and never eaten
23. A cardboard popcorn box that held only a few packets of popcorn
24. A dog toothbrush
25. 2 finger thing-ys that you use to brush your dog's teeth (we take Tucker to the vet to have his teeth cleaned)
26. A receipt for a pair of shoes that I plan on keeping
27. Expired coupons
29. a thing for bubble blowing
30. lighters
31. Eductional materials that conor is too young for and that I will forget about when he gets old enough
32. an old blush brush that Conor occasionally uses as a microphone but most often ends up under the couch
33. window clings
34. A souvenier pencil
35. A dog nail file
36. a single used ear plug - disgusting
37. OSU coasters
38. UO coasters
39. Old Weight Watchers materials that are no longer useful as the program has been revamped
40. A tape cassette adapter for my ipod
41. A candle shaped like a mini ear of corn
42. wine corks for a cork board that has already been completed
43. a cleaning cloth for sunglasses
44. A golf tee
45. An empty bottle of hand sanitizer
46. A food scraper for the George Foreman Grill we no longer own
47. A bunch of plastic utensils that I have been collecting but not using
48. An extra corkscrew
49. A votive candle
50. A jar of unused relish

The great thing about throwing out or donating these items is that I already feel so much lighter. I have cabinets with space in them, drawers with room for the next round of junk. FEeling inspired by my 50 things I went through my bookshelf and was able to weed out what must have been 15 books that I borrowed from other people over the last two years.

Inevitably I will acquire more useless junk over the course of this year, but now, at the beginning of January, it feels so good to be a little bit lighter.

Conor and Finley

2011-01-07T09:46:00.000-08:00

My name is Conor. I think listening is for chumps.

My name is Finley. I'm so cute even I can hardly stand it.

Into the New Year

2011-01-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

The new year has brought some exciting changes and improvements around here. But first, let's backtrack to Christmas.

This was hte firs year that Conor really "got" Christmas. And all I can say is So. Much. Fun. Wow! Christmas really takes on a whole new meaning when you see it through the eyes of your child. Every strand of outdoor Christmas lights is reason to pull the car over and ooh and ahh. Every Christmas tree is the most beautiful one he's ever seen. Every man with a beard or a Santa hat is the big guy himself. In fact, on Christmas Eve Conor got a special call from Santa himself. He was having a bit of a hard day and,well, Santa just happened to notice and thought a call was warranted. Strange how Santa's voice was vaguely familiar...

But the best thing about this particular Christmas was a certain trade Conor had to make with Santa in order to get presents. His pacifier. Or passie as it's called around these parts. We've known for quite some time that it was time for conor to give it up but his dentist assured us that most kids naturally give them up around 3. Well, Conor didn't seem even slightly motivated so an intervention was in order. So great that Santa was able to do our dirty work for us.

Conor left his passie out along with the cookies for Santa and, while Christmas Eve and the next couple nights were a challenge, by New Year's Eve he was completely fine without it. What a great kid. As usual, we could have taken it away much earlier if we had given him more credit to handle it.

Now! On to potty training...

As for Finley, my little nap champion/night time not-quite-a-champion has continued with her excellent nap time habits (2 two hour naps, plus 1 short cat nap in the evening) and added the wonderful bonus of 8 to 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep over night. Now, because I don't happen to go to bed at 7:30 (although, if I'm being honest, I would if I could) I don't yet get a full 8 hours but I'm up to a good solid 6 so I'm pretty happy about that.

Finally, most of our sleep issues have been resolved. Now that I've thoroughly jinxed myself, I'm sure I'll be awake all night long.

In other new year news, I've decided that I can no longer wish away any extra weight I'm carrying around. In the past, if I noticed that I was gaining a few pounds I would sort of pay attention to what I was eating, maybe throw in a workout here and there and presto! Extra pounds gone. No more, my friends, no more. (I know, I know, cry me a river, right?) As of New Year's day, I'm attempting to learn how to eat in such as way that I feel full and also lose weight. Is that even possible? I'm on day 4 and I've been eating really well and staying on track nicely however I've been freaking HUNGRY all the time! Is this how it's supposed to work?

I entered a Biggest Loser style weight loss competition and hopefully the weekly weigh ins combined with the potential to win $700 combined with the possibilty of a very public fat-shaming will keep me accountable. In addition, as a Christmas present I received a membership to Foot Traffic University which will help me to train for the Foot Traffic Flat Half Marathon on 4th of July. Again, the accountability will keep me...well accountable. I also looked at joining a gym today but I just don't know if I want to go that route. The guy who showed me around the 24 Hour Fitness facility felt more like a used car salesman than a gym employee. Its just so cold outside and sometimes it's a little lonely (and very easy to stay inside) to run alone. I need to find a running buddy who somehow also comes equipped with a free babysitter.

I did not come even close to making my goal of posting every day in December. Basically I ran out of things to say and decided that in some cases (in most cases?) nothing is better than something crappy.

I hope you all had a great Christmas and a new year filled with lots of really great things.

A Bit of a Rant

2010-12-23T17:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, I have to say I"m getting a little tired of random strangers criticizing my parenting choices. In the past week and a half I've had two strange men call me out on small parenting decisions without bothering to A) look my in the eye or B) offer to help me correct what are obviously grievous parenting deficiencies.

The first time was just after the transmission on my car died. We were experiencing an apocalyptic rain storm that day which I was, admittedly, unprepared for being that I didn't expect to have my car go completely belly up on a Saturday morning in a torrential rain storm. Trust me, if I could have somehow anticipated that I would be stranded in the Pearl District without a car you can bet your ass I would have come better prepared.

So AAA has towed my car away (seriously, if you don't have a AAA membership, GO GET ONE! Totally, 100% worth it.) and I have to wait for Morgan to come pick me up in the rental car (we only have one car now which is normally FINE). So I can either choose to sit with a vocal baby in the waiting room of the salon where I have just gotten my hair cut or I can run up the street to Powell's where Finley can make all the noise she wants and not stand out like a Hummer in a sea of Priuses. I go for Powell's. I mean, its only two blocks from the salon and while folks are drawing up plans for the Ark (i.e. its raining real, real hard), its warm and I'm wearing boots and Finley is partially covered by the shade on the stroller so we go for it. And we have a lovely time. And I get some Christmas shopping done. And people ooh and ahh over Fin and I'm thinking Wow! this has been a really crappy morning but things are working out. Yay!

So, Morgan calls and he's waiting for me and Fin and I walk toward the salon where he is meeting us. And yes. It's raining. But 1) we live in Portland, we're used to this. We regularly make fun of people who use umbrellas. Seriously, what a sissy. And 2) its 61 DEGREES! If it wasn't raining people would be out in skirts and shorts and sundresses. And 3) IT'S TWO BLOCKS. This is not a tremendous distance even in the rain. Even with a baby.

ANYWAY...I'm waiting at the corner and it's definitely my time to cross and this guy has to come to a screeching stop so he doesn't hit me and Finley (FORESHADOWING) and I think Oh phew. Glad we missed that guy. So we cross and then I'm crossing the other way and as he drives by me he takes the time to roll down his window and yell out at me "HEY LADY! GET YOUR DAMN BABY OUT OF THE RAIN! JESUS CHRIST!"

Ok, tough guy. Let's go ahead and list out your asshat-ery
1)what kind of jackwagon yells at a random stranger on the street? Seriously? Get a job or a hobby or spend some time of Facebook. Maybe you can be one of those Dungeons and Dragons freakshows. If you find that your thoughts are so consumed with the weather & travel habits of strangers, that you need to yell at them out of your car window, you need to enrich your life.
2)clearly you are not ACTUALLY concerned with me or my baby because if you were, you would have stopped and offered to, I don't know, hold the umbrella over the stroller or something.
3)and yes, you're very tough and helpful and cool or something to yell out the window at me and refuse to make eye contact when I look at you in surprised amazement. That's right, buddy, drive on. It's easy to be critical and a general ass clown when you don't actually have to back up what you say. Just yell it out the window. Very helpful. Thank you.

AND THEN!

I took the kids to the library yesterday and because I forgot the stroller I was wearing Finley in the Ergo, carrying my diaper bag on one arm and holding Conor's hand with the other arm. Well, I was holding his hand with my hand but you get what I'm getting at. He's aware of the handicap button that will automatically open the doors and I usually let him push it for me because he likes to (kids like to push buttons, both real and figurative) and because generally I do have my hands full and while, yes, I am physically capable of opening the door by myself, it usually involves some sort of body contortion where I open the door with one side of my body, smash up against it and try to usher Conor through all while desperately attempting to keep hold of all the items I happen to be holding in my hands. So yes, I take advantage of the handicap access door. I also use the handicap bathroom and GASP! use the auto open doors at Target. I wonder how long my prison sentence will be?

ANYWAY! We're going through the second of the set of double doors and this man behind us snidely says "these are not toys, you know". And I look around because What? He's can't be talking to me and he sure as hell better not be talking to my son. But there is no one else around me. It's just me and Conor and him. And I look at him like What? Are you talking to me? And he won't even meet my eyes. Just makes his little comment and walks on. I walked the other way but kept looking back over my shoulder at him like, seriously? Was he really talking to me? So you criticize my parenting choice but don't offer to help with the door. In fact, you GO THROUGH the door you've said is not a toy.

So, yeah, I get it. I'm a pretty hands off parent. It's not that I neglect my children but I walk out of the room and leave Finley alone. And I don't insist that Conor hold my hand every second that we are out. And I don't put him on one of the wretched kid leashes. I allow my kids to experience rain drops (Quick! Call Child Protective Services!), and I allow my kids to let go of my hands to push the handicap button on doors (Quick! Call the cops! She doesn't have the appropriate handicap placard!) I don't keep them in perfectly-secure-no-harm-may-come-to-you bubbles and I guess sometimes that can call my parenting choices into question.

But more than someone disagreeing with a parenting choice I've made, it's the way you disagree. A comment hurled through an open window on a rainy day or snidely tossed over your shoulder is obviously criticism not to be constructive or help the situation but criticism just to criticize. Or maybe these two guys just like to be ass monkeys. Who knows?

This is about 10 paragraphs longer than I anticipated but I actually feel tremendously better from having vented. Whew.

It's unlikely that I will post again before Christmas so I would like to say that I hope you and yours have a day that is merry and festive. And hopefully spiked with a little somethin'-somethin'.

Also? This is my 200th post! YEE-HAW! Merry Christmas, y'all!

Oh Crap

2010-12-14T10:44:00.000-08:00

Is there anything I can say anymore?

Conor now walks around the house going "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap."

Oh crap.

Yes, there are worse things he could say, he's said those too, but I'm running out of expletives.

Dammit.

Sleeping Arrangements

2010-12-14T10:40:00.000-08:00

Conor has begun giving us some trouble at nap time and night time. I get the feeling that he has become afraid of the dark as he won't walk down the hallway to his bedroom alone in the early morning hours or in the early evening. As a consequence his bedroom door must be left open during naps and during the night.

And so a new step has been added to our nighttime routine. We read our stories, sing our songs and then Conor says its time to talk about his "options". As in, "OK, Mommy, now we can talk about my OPTIONS."

See I discuss with Conor what he needs to do in order to keep his bedroom door open.

ME: Ok, Conor, you have two options. You can have your bedroom door open or you can have your bedroom door shut. Which would you prefer?

Conor: Bedroom door OPEN.

ME: Ok, and what do you need to do in order to keep your door open?

Conor: I need to be QUIET.

ME: And if you're not quiet, what will happen?

Conor: You will close my door.

ME: And if I close your door, will you be happy or will you be sad?

Conor: I will be SAD.

ME: So what should you do to keep your door open?

Conor: I will be QUIET. Good OPTIONS, Mommy.

So last night Morgan gets out of the shower and asks if Conor was noisy and if that was why I closed his door. Since I actually didn't close his door we were curious and decided to investigate this little matter. We also noticed Tucker was missing. (FYI Tucker's kennel is now in Conor's room.) Hmmm...

Morgan walks into Conor's room to find Tucker pawing at the door, Conor missing from his bed and curled up with his Bubba (Blankie) in Tucker's kennel.

Apparently there is a third option I failed to consider.

Spoons

2010-12-14T10:31:00.000-08:00

The strangest thing is happening in my house. I'm losing all my spoons. Well, all the small spoons, that is. Does this seem extrordinarily strange to anyone else?
I mean, where have they all gone?

I started with a set of 8 and now we're down to four. Half the original amount have vanished. I've looked everywhere I can think but they have simply DISAPPEARED. And it's not like you can go out and just buy four spoons that will match the set. Actually, I don't even care about matching, I woulld just like a full set of spoons but no one sells utensils individually. Probably because, who in the world looses only spoons?

When we move out of this house someday we are going to find a cache of spoons and perhaps missing socks stored somewhere.

At any rate, small spoons, along with cookware, cutting knives and sippy cups are no longer permitted in the dishwasher. Hand wash only. At this rate, I should just tear out the dishwasher and put in more cabinet space.

Babyfest

2010-12-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

I love Babyfest every time we have it. There are three members to this group. Zech, son of Billy was born June 3rd, Harper, my sweet little niece, born June 23rd and Finley, (you know who she is), born July 10th.

I wish I had a picture of Babyfest 1 when they were so little and tiny. But you know, looking back, they actually look more like aliens so perhaps its best that I don't post it here.


Babyfest 2 - Early August

Babyfest 3 - Late September/Early October

Babyfest 4 - December

It's fun to watch these little ones grow up together. I can't wait to see what they look like this time next year. We moms were talking about taking these same pictures in 10 years and how they would probably not want to sit on the couch together then either. Billy and Kristen and I have all been friends for at least 10 years so it's perfectly reasonable to think that we'll be attending Babyfest 134 in 2020.

So cute. Such fun.

Comments

2010-12-08T14:34:00.000-08:00

So when I said the other day that I don't get any comments on this blog I guess I lied a bit. I get these random annonymous comments from time to time and I thought, rather than actually typing a coherent post, I would share with you the responses to some of my other posts.

Please to enjoy.

In response to Blocked: I fool be familiar with a insufficient of the articles on your website in the present circumstances, and I really like your style of blogging. I added it to my favorites net stage file and resolve be checking back soon. Please contain out of order my orientation as highly and vindicate me conscious what you think. Thanks.

Well, kind sir, consider yourself both vindicated and conscious.

In response to Cop Out: solved my problem, thank you!

Wonderful! So glad my post about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING solved your problem. If only we all had problems so easily solved.

In response to The box under the table: Just wanted to take a moment and say hello to everybody. Looking forward to the forum and what everybody has to say.

I am not, at the moment, focused on on the internet. We are going to appear for the pros. When performing referring It's my job to think today
[url=http://hubpages.com/hub/mens-gold-watches]Hubpages[/url]
beginning to start a family plus I had always discovered that if My partner and i produced a smaller amount searching that i might obtain more searching. I'm because potent being a train engine. I literally developed which variety of their alternative. My own plan is to produce that event along with which makes it sound that awesome for you. Hopefully our strategy is coming by means of obviously.

My purchasing was constructed being a packet outhouse. The facts? And finally be sure to fix your current shopping. I found this info out and about first hand. This information is prepared in order that obviously any good infant can understand it. There's one region that will searching circles often have a problem with. I'm seeking throughout externally. Even now, this could be a bit of a myth.

There are so many things wrong with this. First of all forum? My random, sometimes incoherant ramblings can hardly be considered a forum. Then, dear commenter, if you are not, at the moment, "focused on the internet" why are you reading a blog on the...you know...internet? And then, the good man Anonymous just goes all sorts of crazy. Potent as a train engine? hmm, someone has an awfully high opinon of themselves. And what the hell is a packet outhouse? A packet in an outhouse or an outhouse in a packet? Either way, I'm not interested. But my favorite part is where our esteemed commenter explains that the "information is prepared in order that obviously any good infant can understand it." Well, good! I don't want the bad infants understanding it anyway.

I have toyed with the of setting up the comments so that you have to enter a code in order to post a comment thereby eliminating these obviously spammed comments. But its actually far too much fun.

December 7, 1941

2010-12-07T20:47:00.000-08:00

Today is the 69th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. Grandpa Joe is a Pearl Harbor survivor and one of the coolest, most rock-solid dudes I know. He reads every single blog post I write and comments on most of them. He admits that half the time he has no idea what I'm talking about. I admit that, half the time, I don't know what his comments are about either. He always signs comments and emails "Semper. The Grands South or Elder Grands Walsh...way south".

As they say, once a Marine, always a Marine.

As the years pass the numbers of Pearl Harbor survivors dwindle and I count myself extremely fortunate to know and love this particular veteran.

Thanks, Grandpa Joe, for your service to our country.

*Click the link above if you haven't already. You'll not only see how handsome this 91 year young man is but you'll see how he still serves in his community today.*

2010-12-06T14:15:00.000-08:00

December 2nd, 2010

Finley rolls over for the first time. I had forgotten just how much fun these little milestones can be. Smiling and giggling can be tricky because each can be confused as something else be it gas or strange baby grunts. But this felt like the first big, easily recognizable physical accomplishment and it reminded me of how much more we have in store.

Oh! and she was so cute when she did it too. We were at Mom's Group which we don't get to go to very often and she was MESMERIZED by the other babies. The speaker that day was a phyiscal therapist and she had just mentioned that babies, at about five months old, will begin to pull their feet towards their faces and roll side to side in what she called a barrel roll. From there they will rock until they are on thier sides and then sort of smush a little bit farther and end up on their bellies.

AND THEN FINLEY DID IT! She looked really surprised like "wait! how did I get here?" before I scooped her up and kissed a million and a half times. Such a sweet little girl, I could not love her more if I tried.

in other Finley news, I've begun feeding her some solid foods at meal times. I had given her a few tastes of my oatmeal or yogurt a time or two and she was kind of blah about it. This weekend I mashed up some banana and she was...well, underwhelmed by it. We hit the jackpot yesterday at lunch though when I gave her some of Conor's applesauce. She could not get enough. Again at dinner,when she had some avocado, she could not get enough. Looks like she'll be a good eater just like her brother.

yeah, I fell off the daily posting wagon. Based on the content of my last several posts, I doubt any tears have been shed.

12 days in a row. Wait, make that 13

2010-12-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

So, today is my 13th consecutive post and I've got to say, the novelty has long since worn off. There are two problems I've identified with daily blogging thus far.

1. Quantity often sacrifices quality. I'm forcing myself to blog every day but not forcing myself to come up with quality posts. I mean, I want to, I just don't always have something of merit to say.
2. Its a little lonely. I sort of feel like I'm writing for myself most days. And if it's just me writing for me, then why I am I doing this? With blogging it's hard to know if anyone is actually reading this. And if no one is reading any of this...wait, again, why am I doing this?

So, that's where we stand today. Tomorrow is the Civil War (GO DUCKS!) so hopefully a passionately fought football game will inspire more than a similarly tepid post.

Merry Christmas Tree

2010-12-02T19:21:00.000-08:00

Its the Sunday after Thanksgiving and we're off to get our tree.

Its important to plug your child in with a movie before you leave. Its not like you want to actually TALK to them on the way up there or anything.

Its nice to have a car big enough to eat lunch, hang out and change a diaper.

A big car also protects you from the snow. Well, only if you're not the photographer.

Finley has decided that the snow is pretty fun.

Morgan is growing a beard. I think its sexy even if it is a bit tickly.

Do you remember when you were little how much you loved the snow? Conor LOVES the snow.

Its also great fun to throw snowballs at Mommy. Meanwhile Mommy is yelling "Not the camera! NOT THE CAMERA!!!"

Look! We made a little teeny snowman.

Look! I can knock it over!

Look! I am adorable and pink cheeked.

Off to find the perfect tree.

Found one!

Conor finds Daddy in a game of hide and seek.

"How about this one?"

This is the one!

So, Daddy. I think you should cut it down right here.

No, actually, I think this is a better spot to start.


Well, if you're not going to listen to me, I wash my hands of this whole operation.

Christmas tree getting was a success. Our tree is up, decorated and dropping needles everywhere. Its kind of perfect.

As promised

2010-12-01T13:25:00.000-08:00

Oh 1996, with your puffy hair and Bill Cosby sweaters, you were good times. Let's take a moment to review, shall we?

1. What is with my triangle shaped poofy hair? Also, is it two-tone? Very possibly.
2. Oh Dustin, did you have to borrow your dad's sweater that he stole from the venerable Mr. Cosby?
3. Look at the way I am gripping his arm. What I want to know is what the hell is he doing with the other hand to make me grip him so?
4. Corsage and boutineer. I sincerely hope in the 14 years since I went to high school dances the practice of giving wearable flowers to your date has passed. I'm all for a nice bouquet but seriously? Flowers? On my wrist? What?
5. We aren't in our high school cafeteria but a blue skied, snowy winter wonderland. With comfy wrought iron chairs and weird white stick thingys and a lamp post to light our way.
6. I actually paid money for this marvel of photographic genius.
5. Boutinier

The box under the table

2010-11-30T13:33:00.000-08:00

A million years ago I bought these jenky little tables to use as night stands. Throughout the course of many years, many moves and many passes with the monster trucks, one of the tables finally fell apart. It was actually propped up on two of its three legs, then one of its three legs and the point where two of the bedroom walls meet until this weekend when it finally cried uncle and collapsed.

When Morgan took the table outside (actually he just left it on the washing machine which is my FAVORITE thing) I discovered my keepsake box. Its not a fancy box, just an old cardboard hat box but its big and it houses all manner of things that I deemed sentimental for one reason or another.

I pulled it out and decided to take a quick peek through it before finding a new spot for it.

It was quite the trip down memory lane. I laughed at old birthday cards, cried at old condolence cards, and found an old Winter Formal picture from 1996. I was reminded of old friends I've lost touch with and reminded again of why some friendships last so long.

Out of the dozens of cards, notes and letters in my box (SHUT UP, MORGAN!) two really stuck out to me.

The first is a letter from my grandma sent right after Morgan and I got engaged. I am not a phone person and Grandma doesn't have email so for the year I lived in California and the two years I lived in Arizona, Grandma and I had a fairly regular correspondence. I'm so glad I kept this particular letter because I've thought of what she said in it many times in the years since Morgan and I got married. I hope she doesn't mind that I'm posting her words here:

"The way to a fulfilling and blessed marriage is to do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interests of others." Phil 2: 3-4

And its signed, as always, "Love you muchly, Grandma".

The second is a card that Morgan sent me in November of 2004 about two months after we had met. I don't remember getting it from him and he doesn't remember sending it but inside I found an envelope for a Starbucks gift card. The cards reads:

Babe-
This is for all the times I would love to have coffee in the morning with you. So I thought I could at least buy you a few cups. I love you more everyday and having you 1200 miles away kills me but soon it will all change. I am so excited to start life with you, a whole new chapter for both of us.
I love you.
Morgan

We both read that and thought Whoa! That was only TWO MONTHS after we met. Considering I was a little gun shy about the whole "falling in love" thing (yes, in 2004 I would have definitely used air quotes when saying that) its a wonder I didn't head for the hills.

The box will eventually be relocated under another table or under the bed where it will collect dust and I won't think about its contents for another 5 years. Every time I get a card or note I'll toss it in there and think nothing of it, until the next time I take a minute to look at these snapshots in time.

Morgan thinks I'm overly sentimental for keeping all this stuff but I'm so glad I have.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the Winter Formal picture circa 1996. Booya!

Cop out

2010-11-29T20:24:00.000-08:00

I have two posts half composed but I know they can both be more than what they are currently. However, I'm tired and running low on energy but I need to post. I think putting "however" and "but" is somehow grammatically incorrect but I can't think just now how so.

Today's little tidbit: both Conor and Finley have an adorable feature in which their little cheeks turn bright pink when they are tired. They both have pretty distinctive cues to let me know when they are sleepy but just in case I miss those, there is no mistaking the bright pink cheeks.

I love that while they are SO different in so many ways little similarities jump out from time to time.

Until tomorrow, friends, when I hope to have something of slightly more substance.

This daily posting is much more difficult than I had hoped it would be...

Songs

2010-11-28T20:09:00.000-08:00

I am not a particularly musical person but that does not keep me from singing all the live long day. Whether its Lady Gaga, the Black Eye Peas or made up words to Beethoven's Ode to Joy, I'm always singing some sort of nonsense.

Over the course of my singing career (HAH!) I've made up several tuneless songs whose lyrics I would like to share with you now. You should be very grateful that I am not subjecting you to a recording of me actually singing. You're welcome.

I made this song up in 2002ish for my sweet cat, Luna.

See, isn't she cute?

I like to lay on the bed with my baby,
I like to lay on the bed with my baby,
I love my baby,
She's so pretty,
That's because,
She is my kitty.

Are you amazed? Yes, you should be. Luna ran away on Halloween last year and I will not listen if you suggest something awful about her being a black cat and disappearing on Halloween. I choose to believe that she was adopted into a whole house full of friendly cats where there are no wild animal style toddlers to yank on her tail. And ears. And whiskers. (Dear Luna, sorry about all that. Hope you're living a happy life out there somewhere. Love, Mama)

After Conor was born, I made up a song for him too.


Oooh yuck. Please don't sing, Mommy!

Who's my beautiful baby,
Who's my beautiful boy?
You's my beautiful baby and
You's my beautiful boy.
You bring me so much happiness
You bring me so much joy
You's my beautiful baby and
You's my beautiful boy

Morgan was critical of this song not for the ridiculous way in which I sang it, but because "You's totally isn't a word, Erin!"

Most recently, I had to make up another song for Conor because I adapted the previous song for Finley. I won't give you the full version but just imagine "girl" where there is "boy" and "brighten up my world" where there is "bring me so much joy". Man! I am wicked good at rhyming.

This is Conor's new song.

He used to be my baby, but he's a big boy now
He used to be my baby, I really don't know how
He's turned into a big boy, the biggest boy I know
He used to be my baby, but he began to grow.

Hey, Mommy! I like it. I mean as I long as I can play with my monster truck while I listen to it.

I would be lying if I told you that singing this song that I made up for him, doesn't make me cry. Like, even as I was typing it out, I was getting that annoying eye-pricky thing that happens just before the tears start. Its just that...well...he used to be my baby, but he's a BIG BOY NOW!

I mean, really, Conor? Haven't I told you and told you? Stop growing! Damn! These kids just don't LISTEN! Hmm, maybe I should write a song about that.

A Wii little game

2010-11-27T19:29:00.000-08:00

Kristen and Keenan are letting us borrow their Wii for a bit because Conor loves to play "games". The last two days have been spent learning how to master bowling and golf. What fun its been to watch Conor picking up new skills right before our eyes.

I've been pretty against video game systems for Conor. I have this image of this pasty skinned, glassy eyed, overweight kid who has a permanent imprint of the game controller on his hands. Obviously I don't want that for Conor. Also, I've never really been into video games so its not like I'd want to sit down and play Grand Theft Auto with Conor or without him. Not that I'd want him to play Grand Theft Auto at all. It sounds like an absolutely horrific game.

The Wii however, has turned out to be a fun toy for the whole family. (And, we're not ALWAYS playing with Monster Trucks.) We spent this morning bowling, golfing, canoeing, sky diving and enjoyed several rounds of table tennis. I'm telling myself that, in addition to time spent together as a family,Conor is learning such skills as sharing (he and I had to share our Wii controller), taking turns, hand-eye coordination, being a graceful winner and not being a sore loser.

Meanwhile, my shoulder is sore as hell from fake canoeing. Yeah, that's kind of an embarrassing sentence to have to write.

Thankful for

2010-11-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

good dads.

Morgan is texting his friend Rob about meeting for a beer this evening.

Morgan: want to go have a beer and watch the Boise State Game?
Rob: I would but I promised Will a snuggle party tonight
Morgan: I though we were going to have a snuggle party tonight? No, I wouldn't miss a snuggle party with Conor either.

I think its great when men aren't too manly to admit that they would rather have a snuggle party with their boys than go have a beer.

Narrated

2010-11-25T12:57:00.000-08:00

Conor has recently began a campaign to narrate our lives. It sometimes goes like this:

"Mommy! Look at that tanker big truck! Oh, I think that is very interesting when the tanker big truck is on the ROAD. Ax-sool-lee, I don't want to to go Red Robin, I want to stay at home and you cook me dinner here or look! a squirrel and read the I Spy book to me Mommy? and Finley needs her passie....aaaaa-gooooooo, Finley. A goo, Mommy. Daddy is home now? Daddy is at work now. Daddy is at his NEW work now. Daddy fixed tractors and big trucks and I wear my work sweatshirt and Mommy? Where is Trocipal Funder? I love you Mommy. I have a kiss Mommy? I give Finley a kiss, Mommy? aaaaa-gooooo, Finley. We go for a walk, I hold your HAAAAAAND, Mommy?"

Yeah, maybe that seems annoying, but its actually kind of cute.

Ok, on other days though, he sounds like this:

"Mommy, can I have a snack? Mommy, can I watch Monster Jam? Mommy, I WANT A SNACK please. Mommy! You need to LISTEN TO MY WORDS because I am very ANGRY at you. Mommy, you go sit in timeout, RIGHT NOW! Mommy? Can I have a snack? Mommy, can I watch Monster Jam? Mommy, can I watch Sesame Street? Mommy, where is Daddy? Mommy, where is Opa? Mommy, where is Nana? Mommy, where is Tucker? MOMMY! I want a snack RIGHT NOW! Ax-sool-lee Mommy? I don't have to go potty in the big boy potty. MOMMY! NO! You DON'T feed Finley right now! What are you DOING Mommy? What are you DOING, Mommy? What are you DOING, Mommy? WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. MOMMY!!!! Mommy, Zack coming over today? Ax-sool-lee Mommy, I'm not going to sit right now, I'm going to stand right now. No, Mommy! YOU go sit in timeout."

It is truly a never ending torrent of words around here. It is both completely sweet and completely annoying. Sort of like parenthood in general, I suppose.

I picked a winner

2010-11-24T08:16:00.000-08:00

The other night I was all stuffed up and snuffly when I went to bed and Morgan, without me even having to ask, got up both times with Finley. It was wonderful to be able to get a full nights sleep and I felt much better in the morning.

Before he got out of bed I thanked him to taking the night shift for me and he goes "No problem, Babe. We need you to get better. You're our rock and we need you to feel your best."

Seriously?

Love him a real whole lot.

Does daily blogging apply to days when I don't feel well?

2010-11-23T13:04:00.000-08:00

Perhaps, when I decided to blog every day, I should have picked a day when I wasn't feeling all head cold-y to start.

Today I am frustrated because I have a cold, a compulsion to clean my house, two toddlers who are behaving more like rabid squirrels than the sweet two year olds that they are, and an infant. I am tired because Finley was up from 11pm to 12:15am and then again at 3:44 and then up for the day at 5:50am.

Thank goodness there are two back to back episodes of Friends on TBS right now. Its the only thing keeping me going.

Aren't you glad I decided to post every day? This is just riveting, I'm sure.

Blocked

2010-11-22T09:55:00.000-08:00

My blog posting has been pretty meager lately. Actually, its been pretty meager since Finley was born. You see, I had a routine that allowed me about a half an hour each morning to sit, drink my coffee, read my emails and blog if I was so moved.

But, with a new baby, my whole schedule has been thrown off. Instead of waking a half hour early, now I don't get out of bed until one, or both, of my children request (demand) it. Then, from the moment my feet hit the floor, its just go, go, go until nap time (and, by some miracle of nature, they both nap from about 1pm until 4pm - crap, now I've just jinxed it) which is when I should blog, but basically I throw my behind on the couch and stay there until, again, one or both of my children request (demand) that I get up.

Oh sure, sometimes I fold laundry or vacuum and I always (well, almost always) do the dishes, but those are the brainless, easy tasks that don't require anything more then the ability to match socks, sort lights from darks (who am I kidding, it all gets lumped together) or properly load the dishwasher.

I guess what I'm saying is my brain (I actually just spelled it branin. Super.) has TURNED TO MUSH. Which is actually all the more reason to force myself to sit down and write something, ANYTHING, every day.

Last year I decided that I would post every single day in December - I was not successful - and I've decided to do the same thing again this year, but maybe, as an exercise in self-discipline (any (and) typing! My tuping (typing) has become terrible! (SEE!??!)) I should start early. Perhaps I should also learn how to write short, concise sentences, not these comma heavy monstrosities I'm subjecting you all too. There I go doing it again!

But, here's the thing. I often have very little to say. Or maybe, I often have very little that gets said. See, I'm ALWAYS constructing blog posts in my head. In fact, the other night while I was nursing Finley I mapped out the most killer blog post EVER! But it was all in my head and by the time I was done with nursing and the rest of the nighttime routine, it was gone. Or, more accurately, the small, quiet room in which I had composed the post was replaced by the loudness of the rest of the house and the mood was gone.

Where was I going with that? See? I'm all over the place. Mush, I tell you. Mush.

OK! for the four of you that read this regularly, be prepared. Starting today, it's one post per day. You've been warned...

Frost in the morning

2010-11-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

We woke up this morning to the most beautiful frost. Well, we actually woke up to darkness but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, when the sun emerged I took advantage of the light and the frost and got to work with my camera. Here are just a few of my favorites.

A Tiny Little Peanut

2010-11-10T19:55:00.000-08:00

Finley is four months old today! It was around this age that Conor whittled down his night wakings to only once a night. So, I'm hopeful. The last few nights have been...challenging. Morgan is having a hard time breathing at night which leads to snoring which wakes me up which causes me to insist he roll over which makes his nose plug up which makes it hard to breath which leads to snoring which...well I think you get what I'm saying here.

In between our night time battle we have Finley waking up two or three times to eat and Conor bleating like a sheep caught in a fence several times a night and altogether we feel cranky and out of sorts and in desperate need of coffee.

Wait. What's that you say? This is the month in which to be thankful? Mmmmleh. That is the sound of me sticking my tongue out at you.

So anyway! Fin is 12 pounds, 11 ounces and 25.5 inches long. She's in the 25th percentile for weight and the 90th for height. Our little girl is long and lean. Ummm, I'm not sure where she came from but she doesn't get either of those attributes from either myself or Morgan.

She is just the sweetest little peanut though. So happy and content almost all the time. And, while the night wakings aren't great, she goes to bed so easily. She pretty much wants us to lay her down and walk out of the room. No intricate bedtime routine, no hours of rocking her to sleep. Just a swaddle and a kiss and good night. Wow, I love that girl.

She's recently discovered her feet which is fun for Morgan and I to watch as this is a little trick that Conor, being, quite possibly, the most inflexible child on earth, never managed. That sentence had an extraordinary amount of commas. I think if we could all get our feet in our mouths the world would be a much happier place. I mean, how can you really be upset with someone when they are sucking on their own toes? There you have it, world peace according to us here at the Hootenanny.

Back to Finley...she's also FREAKING ADORABLE!

Don't you just want to kiss her face right off?

I apologize for the very disjointed, stream-of-consciousness of this post. I am tired and cranky and really should have left this post until tomorrow but for some reason (possibly lack of sleep-induced) I was adamant that I post tonight! on her birthday! Lest we all suffer doom! And peril! and...other bad things?

Enough. My DVR is calling.

More Halloweeeeeen!

2010-11-08T09:53:00.000-08:00

Super boy! Costume courtesy of Party City. Cape courtesy of Aunt Josie.

Our little baby Zebra

My friend, Erin, threw a Halloween party for the kids of her friends. Lots of adorable little ones in adorable little costumes experiencing (not so) adorable little sugar highs.

Ben, the cutest lil cowboy.

Harper. Those eyes are going to be her Daddy's undoing.

Superboy. Cake ball in hand, cake on teeth. Dentists all over the world are dying now.

Addie as Dorothy. Look at that smile!

Conor took one look at Marissa's makeup and said to Morgan, "Daddy! She's bad to the bone!" We don't know what that means.

Baby Zech as an octopus.

Pretty impressive to get a group photo of nine kids in costumes and no one throwing a fit! However I don't think even one kid is actually looking at the camera.

This is one tired zebra.

Conor, being goofy.

So long, lil darlin'

I vote

2010-11-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

I vote because I am important, I vote because my children are important.

I vote because it is the smallest, easiest thing I can do to influence the political landscape of our country today.

I vote so that my wishes for this country can be heard. I vote because one voice can make a difference.

I vote because there are those that assume that I won't and there are those who don't want me to.

I vote because I have educated myself about the issues.

I vote because so many women all over the world can't. I vote because so many women fought for my right to do so. These women were ridiculed, beaten, divorced, and even jailed so I could vote.

I vote because I can.

And you should too.

November 2nd: VOTE!

Halloweeeeeeen!

2010-11-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

How much fun is Halloween? There is just so much fun stuff to do and there is none of the stress associated with holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas.

As you know, we went to the pumpkin patch.

We also carved pumpkins with some good friends.

There is something so powerful about seeing a boy smile like that at his Daddy.

Melissa was kind enough to hold Finley all night long.

Morgan and Conor carving

Reid, our neighbor, and his son Brady.

Pumpkin carving requires lots of help. Conor requested the alphabet on his pumpkin. He had to settle for "ABC".

Michelle takes her pumpkin carving VERY seriously.

This one is for Morgan.

The finished products.

A supplementary pumpkin in support of our #1 ranked Ducks. Our Beaver loving neighbor vandalized our pumpkin by placing a paper bag over it. Don't worry, we're cooking up our revenge.

I'll have more pictures of costumes up tomorrow.

Just so you know

2010-10-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a super awesome day. Conor and Finley and I had plans to meet a friend at the Children's Museum and despite us arriving 10 miuntes late, we had the best time. Its not that the CM is so great, although it IS tons of fun, it was that my kids were freaking awesome! Like over the top, 110%, not-even-kidding-you fantastic.

Conor played with four year old Ireland and two year old Adelaide and with all the other kids at the CM and not once did I have to reprimand him or redirect him or look over my shoulder to see if any other parent might secretly be judging me, my kids and our parent/child interaction. (Come one, you know you do it too.) Finley either slept, ate or just chilled the ENTIRE time. I kept getting compliments on what a sweet, agreeable and adorable little girl she is. She really is.

Yesterday was one of those days that made me really proud to be a mom and, more specifically, thier mom.

I was asked yesterday how I like being a stay at home mom. The truth is that lately I have been struggling with it. Sometimes I feel like I have a really small, insignificant life. But I have to admit, its pretty great to make plans to meet a friend and her kids at 8:45pm on Monday night and be free to see them at 9:45am on Tuesday. And then to have both kids be so (have I said this yet) freaking awesome, well, I kind of like being a stay at home mom.

At least for right now.

Hood River

2010-10-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

For our anniversary this year, Morgan surprised me with a trip to Hood River. Yes, you might be thinking, Hood River? Really? But its actually SUCH a cute little town. We stayed at the Oak Street Hotel

which turned out to be an adorable little bed and breakfast. The room was tiny but clean which was fine with us because we didn't spend much time in our room. The view from our window was worth the price!

We had planned to attend the local Harvest Festival but got so caught up visiting all the breweries that we ran out of time. Fine with me! Give me beer over booths of arts and crafts any day!

We walked the length of downtown (about 5 blocks) and decided on sushi for dinner followed by a movie in a theater that served - you guessed it - more beer! It was a perfect end to an excellent day (I did fall asleep during the movie but I'm not used to drinking so much beer nor am I used to staying up past 10PM. Yes, I'm a fantastic date.)

We enjoyed spooky cupcakes

We enjoyed beautiful scenery.

But most of all, we enjoyed each other.

(Um, did that sound ridiculously cheesy?)

(Yes, I think it did.)

Pumpkin Patch

2010-10-20T13:23:00.000-07:00

Every year we go to the pumpkin patch. The same patch on Sauvie Island, called Columbia Farms that we;ve gone to for the last four years. Its smaller (much) than some of the other pumpkin extravaganzas on the island but we like it because the pumpkins are actually on the vine and the crowds are not quite as intense. The first year we were back in Oregon, looked like this.

2007

That's Conor in there

No kids, just pumpkins

See how young and refreshed we look?

The next year we added a participant. We had a good time that first year, but Conor made it so much more fun.

2008

The next year Conor was a little bigger and had a blast climbing the haystacks.

2009

Kristen and I are both pregnant here but I don't think either of us knew it at the time.

Sucking on his traditional honey stick.

This year was a whole different ballgame though. With the addition of our two babies, our family pictures keep getting bigger and bigger.

2010

Once there were four, now there are seven

Whoa. Daddy got a biiiiiig punkin.

Conor picked this pumpkin himself.

A Finley sized pumpkin

A family of four

He's always loved the tunnel

Big girls

This year I got to play on the top, too.

It's fun to develop traditions like this as a family. While Sauvie Island is a bit of a drive, and there are many pumpkin patches closer to home, I really like the continuity of four years at the same pumpkin patch.

Five

2010-10-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

I do not believe in soul mates, a fact which wounds Morgan's more romantic sensibilites. I'm far too logical to believe that, out of the billions of people in the world, there is only ONE right person for each of us. I am not romantic at all. In fact when someone says romance the first thing I think of is schmomance. If you want to woo me, don't get me flowers, empty the dishwasher.

Morgan, on the other hand, believes that I am the one person in the world who was meant for him. Its interesting that we can have two such differing opinions and yet still be so happy together.

Today we have been married five years. And every day with him makes me believe just a little bit more in soul mates.

Happy anniversary, Morgan. I love you a real whole lot.

Run!

2010-10-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

I've started running again. I was running quite a bit when I got pregnant with Finley and continued to do so for a few weeks into my pregnancy with her. but then I felt I needed to stop and I've just now started back.

Man! Its hard! Its hard to find the motivation to go for a run or spend 20 minutes on the treadmill. Its physically hard on parts of my body that are not currently in a position to accomodate running.

But I really feel good about myself after a run. Even if I can only run for about 10 minutes at a time today, I know next week I'll be able to run 12 minutes and the week after that...who knows?

My goal is to be ready to run the Run Like Hell 5k on October 24th. I ran the 10k last year and while I'm not quite ready to attempt 6 miles, I think I can be ready to log in 3 miles when the 24th rolls around.

I've been posting on Facebook each day that I run and I'm finding its helping to keep me motivated. Its like 200+ online "friends" are holding me accountable.

Wish me luck! Or, if not luck, than the emotional fortitude to keep on running.

Out front

2010-10-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

We don't spend much time in our front yard. We have a big beautiful backyard and just spend most of our outside time out there. Not sure why but we ended up out front earlier this week. Its a whole new perspective out there.

Blue eyes

Brown feet

Small grins

Big eyes

Big kisses

Big yawns

Family shot

Off center

Tasty fingers

Peek - a - boo

So quiet

Just cute

Conor-isms

2010-10-01T15:01:00.000-07:00

I did this once before but I think it bears repeating...

I love how Conor loves his little sister. She has stolen so much attention from him yet he always wants to kiss and hug her and always (mostly) so sweet and gentle with her.

I love how he still calls raisin jzu-jzu's. I actually don't know how to spell it so I so hope I will remember just the way he says it.

I love the way he watches Monster Jam on tv and then makes his monster trucks perform the same moves on the couch.

I love that he sings! Everything from the Wheels on the Bus to the Black Eyed Peas Boom Boom Pow. I got that boom boom pow, them chickens jackin' my sty-ulh.

I love how he is mostly fearless but still will hide behind my legs if he needs a little more time. I love how he still NEEDS me. I love that Daddy is here for fun but I'm here for love and comfort.

I love how I can get him to say anything. Anytime! From "I love you, mama" to "Say, HISTRIONICS, Sweetie", he'll say it. I have Michelle to thank for this fun game.

I LOVE how he gets so excited about BIIIIIIIIIIG TRUUUUUUUUCKS! Still!

I love how he has memorized all his favorite stories. He hardly needs me around to read stories anymore. This also makes me a little sad.

I love how everyone loves him. He's such a sweet, kind, friendly little boy.

I love his enthusiasm for sports. Soccer, golf, baseball, he wants to play. I love his enthusiasm for his friends. Zack, Wyatt, Gwenie, Taylor...he loves them all.

I love how SMART he is. Letters, numbers, shapes, colors. So, so, so smart.

I love him!

A Cloudy Morning

2010-09-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

We went on a walk this morning and I had somuch fun with my little boy. We walked over to the church that is near our house and

we looked for blackberries, we compared blue berries and red berries (don't eat the red ones!), we looked for dreys (squirrel nests in trees - we are talking a lot about squirrels as they begin to collect nuts for winter - we're seeing a TON of them outside our front window), we saw a kitty but didn't pet it because you just never know, we jumped over leaves, we walked parking lot lines, we jumped over parking lot lines,

we hunted for dandelions, walked AROUND mud puddles, went up hill and down hill, we sat on a bench, we looked at big trucks (that's a container truck, Mommy), we (I) wished we had brought money because we (I) didn't realize just how close the Dutch Bros. is when you cut through the church,

we raced Trocipal Funder (misspelling completely intended) and War Wizard off curbs, into walls, down a ramp and through the grass, we found a stick which started off as a microphone but quickly morphed into a sword, we (Conor) ran down the (Mommy want to run too?) and finally we came home and ate chicken nuggets and french fries with fresh green beans and frozen peas.

Today was a good day.

Man,I love that kid.

Two months old!

2010-09-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

Finley was two months old last week. It seems like she was just born yesterday and also that she's been part of our family forever. She's a fiesty little girl and never afraid to let us all know exactly what she wants. But she's also not at all afraid to dole out the smiles, grins and (almost) giggles. Morning is her happiest time of day and its a good thing too with the way she keeps us up all night. She's obviously trying to redeem herself.

She saw Dr. Gillespie last week and weighs in at a solid 10 pounds, 9 ounces and 23 inches long. Her weight is in the 50th percentile and her height is in the 75th percentile. She's just a perfectly normal little pumpkin and we couldn't be happier with her.

She already sounds like a girl when she cries. While Conor's cry was high pitched and shrill, Finley's cry, even in the throws of an all out fit, still sounds like there is a giggle hidden behind it. One day she's going to stop crying, look at us and go "Come on, guys! I was just JOKING!"

She loves bathtime, her fists, and her Baby Vegas mat. She loves to sleep in my arms, or Daddy's arms and thinks Conor's face is just FASCINATING. She's got a gassy little tummy and the stinkiest farts you could imagine. She'll clear a room with those bad boys.

She's just our perfect little princess.

Seriously, Mom?

Breathless

2010-09-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

The love I feel for Conor is so strong I'm often surprised and frightened by it. I'm sure every mother feels this way about her child so this, in itself, is not news. What is news is that today, for the first time really, I felt that same all consuming passion for Finley.

What new mothers are not often told is that you may not immediately fall madly in love with your child. In fact, you may feel a sort of vague apathy toward this little creature you have grown and birthed.

With Conor this feeling terrified the life right out of me. Here was my helpless infant child and I didn't feel passionately in love with him. Surely there must be something wrong with me? I loved him, of course, and I would have thrown myself in front of a bus for him, but in looking at him I didn't find it hard to breathe at the sight of his face or the smell of his little head. It was a scary time for me.

Eventually, of course, I fell for him. And so, when I discovered that I wasn't yet passionate about little Miss Finley I was content knowing that in time I would be consumed by love for her. And today, as I was sitting on the couch with Finley in my arms,waiting for her to fall asleep, I leaned down to kiss her little button nose and I thought, "Have I ever loved someone as much as I love you?" And there it was. All of a sudden that same love I feel for Conor came crashing down on my head for Finley and she took my breath away.

So tall!

2010-08-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

At Conor's two year checkup he was 38 inches tall. In May of this year he was 38 and a half inches tall. As of August 10th, Conor is 41.5 inches tall. That's three inches of growth in just over 3 months! No wonder he's been a bit of pill this summer. He's probably been in pain as his little bones stretch and grow.

Dinner Calendar

2010-08-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who suggested frozen dinner ideas. I took lots of ideas and compiled them into this Dinner Calendar.

I'll be cooking away this weekend! Wish me luck. :)

Michelle - can you send me your recipe for baked ziti?
Kristen - can you send me your recipe for french onion soup?

thanks!

Dinner's In The Freezer

2010-08-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

I've found that the hardest part of having two kids is getting dinner on the table by the time Morgan gets home from work. Now, let me be clear, I'm no June Cleaver and Morgan no more expects me to have dinner waiting for him than I expect him to rub my feet every night (oh, wait...). But, as Morgan generally gets home from work after 6pm it would be nice to at least have dinner on its way. I mean, most nights I haven't even figured out what I'm going to make.

Its made for some very late dinners and, consequently, some very late bedtimes. All around it throws off our schedule and its just not working for us. We've gone out to dinner SO many times recently because I've got my hands full with kids and just can't get to dinner by dinner time.

I figured a good solution to this little dilemma would be to have a stock pile of meals in the freezer for those (very frequent) nights when I"m too busy to get dinner going. I looked at going to one of those make-your-dinner places but at $300 for 12 meals, my frugal heart threatened to explode. I just can't do it.

So then I Googled "freezer dinners" and came up with a bunch of websites that either want you to subscribe for monthly recipes or go out and buy a book. Seriously, I just want a bunch of recipes for casseroles and such that I can make on a Saturday and freeze to eat. Why is the internet failing me???

Perhaps you, my bloggy friends, can pick up where the internet has left off. What recipes do you and your family love? What is easy to prepare and freeze?

Please help.

Sincerely,

Tired of Chicken Nuggets

What do these people have in common?

2010-08-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

My midwife
My friend
The manager at Oswego Grill
Another friend's friend
The people from the East Coast I met today
My other friend's Mom's co-worker
Me

All these people either have a child (boy or girl) named Finley or have considered or are planning on naming their daughter Finley.

Seriously? Finley was a brand new, never before heard of name only 6 months ago. I swear!

I truly thought Finley was the most original name ever when we picked it for Finley. I had honestly never heard it before and was sure that my Finley would be the only Finley in her Kindergarten class.

My best friend and I share the same name so I suppose its not the end of the world that she will be one of many, however I had really hoped that...I don't know. I guess I just hoped she would be the only one.

Night Singing

2010-08-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

Since Conor was very little we've had a fairly consistent bedtime routine. Basically, three stories, a couple songs and kisses. Conor, for his part, generally includes an hour of banging around in his bed but that's not part of this story.

Being the creature of habit that he is, Conor has been requesting the same three stories and the same song for about the last year or so. Recently, we added a new song "Baby Beluga" and then, just a couple weeks ago, Conor requested that I sing, as he called it, "the Opa and Grandma" song.

Those of you who know my dad know that he is a wee bit tone deaf. You also know that it doesn't bother him one little bit and he frequently with burst forth in song to the delight or chagrin of those around him. Whether you react with delight or chagrin depends entirely on how uptight the listener is. But again, that's not part of this story.

Back to Conor's bedroom and his request for the Opa and Grandma song. when one pictures a child's grandparent singing night time songs one would likely think of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star or perhaps another child-like nighttime song. Not Opa though. Nope, when Conor requested the Opa and Grandma song I knew immediately he meant what I have always thought of as the "In 1814" song.

Singing that song to Conor, surely not your typical bedtime song, I flew right back to childhood. I remember Dad singing that song, ad nasauem, on road trips, at home, in front of my friends (Oh my gosh, Dad! You are, like, so embarrassing!). It was a quick little trip down memory lane.

Just one of the many joys of having children is revisiting your own childhood. Even if it is a goofy song, sung off key, in front of your friends. A family tradition lives on.

Rationalization

2010-08-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

Did you know that fidgeting burns 300 calories a day?
And recently I have been shake, shake, shaking my body (in a very fidgety way) to soothe this here baby of mine.
So much so that I would estimate I've burned 900 calories a day in fidgeting alone.
That, combined with the 500 calories I burn from breastfeeding comes to a total of of 1400 calories.
If you add that to the the 1500 calories a day that I'm supposed to be consuming you get 2900 calories. And you should really round that up to 3000 because who likes odd numbers?
And so, since I should be consuming 3000 calories a day, it makes perfect sense that I ate 15 Chips Ahoy cookies in less that two days.

Buh-Bam! Rationalization.

Bits of Finley

2010-08-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

See that pinky finger? That's one her Dad's wrapped around.

Is there anything cuter than baby toes?

(Almost) blue eyes. At least for the time being.

Which is which?

2010-08-11T15:37:00.000-07:00

My babies. I think, despite the crying and sleepless nights and spit up and nursing bras, I think I'm going to miss this when its gone. I miss that second little guy already.

Baby Vegas!

2010-08-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Have I told you about Baby Vegas? After 155 posts, I can't remember what I've talked about and what I haven't.

When Conor was just a few weeks old he received a present from my Aunt Geralyn. Its one of these:

Sure, from this angle it doesn't look too Vegas-y, does it? But see where her eyes are focused?

Yeah! Now, imagine it flashing different colored lights and playing music! Ok, if you're prone to seizures, this toy could be trouble, but for babies - yee haw! Its Baby Vegas. baby!

Mom! This toy is strangely fascinating AND terrifying. I love it!

Conor loved it too!

Wait, who is who? Dang, these kids look a lot alike!

Where does the time go?

2010-08-03T20:13:00.000-07:00

I can't believe its been so long since I've posted regularly. I knew having a baby would take up lots of time but I didn't realize just how quickly the days would go by. I have half a dozen posts milling around in my head but I don't seem to be able to make the time to get them down on paper (or screen - whatever).

Please bear with me as I get used to this new lifestyle. I hope to continue to post with some regularity in the future. For now though, I'll be fairly sporadic. At least until I can figure out some type of schedule.

Also, part three of Finley is both boring and overly dramatic. More yucky stuff with the placenta, an unexpected surgery and some good drugs. I'm all better now though so telling the full details seems superfluous (YES! I never get to use big words!).

Oops, baby calls. Off I go.

Hot Child in the City

2010-07-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I love about living in Portland. First of all, Portland embraces my new hippy lifestyle. Second, Portland features the best summertime weather anywhere on earth. (Yes, we have lots of rain too but we all manage to forget about that during July. Its like SAD in reverse.) Finally, Jamison Square.

All locals know Jamison Square and even for those of you who live out of town, I'm sure you've heard me mention it before. In the heart of the Pearl District, Jamison Square is that perfect blend of park and water feature and is surrounded by a Starbucks, a frozen yogurt shop, a ridiculously expensive kids clothing boutique and the streetcar tracks.

On hot summer days it becomes packed with children and families by 10:30 as us Portlanders try to find a way to escape the heat. On Saturday we were there by 9:30am. Conor loved it, Finley slept the whole time strapped to my chest and I was reminded once more why I will never leave Portland.

See the lady sitting on the left reading a book?

I had a class with her and found that she financed her

Master's Degree after winning $10,000 on The Singing Bee.
Maybe I should try out for a game show...

Cook Park

2010-07-26T07:09:00.000-07:00

Having Morgan home the last two weeks has enabled us to do a lot of fun things together as a family. On Friday morning we decided to head up to Cook Park and launch Conor's (Morgan's) rocket. I would explain to you what I mean by rocket but I am not privy to inner working of said rocket. This is strictly a Daddy and Conor thing.

I'm allowed to take pictures and soothe a screaming baby. You decide who has more fun.

Chasing rockets

What goes up...

must come down.

Helping Daddy pack it in

Squing!

The end of a great afternoon

Finley - Part Two

2010-07-24T12:57:00.000-07:00

So, I had an interesting delivery, but it was actually relatively uneventful. I mean, it was fast, sure. And there was the moment when they said NICU, but overall, Finley popped out and was fine.

***If you don't like words such as placenta, and membrane and blood, please don't read any further. Trust me***

However! That darn placenta. Again! For whatever reason I wasn't able to push the placenta out naturally so the good Dr. Bair had to manually extract it. What does that mean, you ask? Well, he had to actually reach his hand UP INTO my lady parts and pull it out. Only it came out in pieces. And I lost a lot of blood. Think of a two liter bottle of Sprite and fill it up halfway with my blood. Yes. You're right. Gross.

So finally the blood slowed down and I was asked to get up and go to the bathroom. Um, ok. I feel a little woozy and not at all like I have to pee, but whatevs, I'll give it a go. Except that I couldn't. Go, that is. I sat and I sat and I sat and they ran the water and told me to think tinkle thoughts but still nothing. Finally the nurse told me that she would have to use the catheter. Bleck. Is there anything worse than a catheter? Actually, not. So, I'm on my way back to the bed and I feel a little woozy. Suddenly my peripheral vision goes out. Then, everything goes black and white.

I have passed out a number of times in my life. I have very low blood pressure and sometimes, things just go fuzzy and I take a little snooze. So, anyway, I'm on my way back to the bed, I have black and white tunnel vision and I reach for the bed.

Next thing I know I'm shaking uncontrollably and I'm bent over the bed with my forehead resting on the mattress. Oops, passed out. Also, I hit my head on the food tray on the way down which caused the nurse to yell out "Oh SHIT!" and then spend the next ten minutes apologizing for her language. Funny that she was more concerned about the profanity than letting me pass out and whack my head.

My punishment for passing out was having to use a catheter all night long and being confined to bed for the next 18 hours. Do you what doesn't feel good on butchered lady bits? A catheter and 18 hours of sitting on said lady bits.

Anyway, so the immediate afterbirth wasn't that great, but I recovered quickly and was able to go home early Monday morning. Tuesday I spent vigorously cleaning the house and by Wednesday I began feeling kind of strange. I went from virtually no pain in the hospital to minor pain on Wednesday, increasing pain by Thursday and Friday and pretty terrible pain on Saturday.

Monday, I was back at the doctor's office.

And that is why this tale has three parts. Far too much to say...

Pictures

2010-07-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

Headed home!

A visit from Michelle and Wyatt

I really like to stick out my tongue

Getting footprinted

Conor love

Um, I think I have gas.

Teeny tiny fingers

Teeny tiny toes

So content

Um, please stop with the flash. Look how washed out I am. And look at my eyes. Clearly I am not enjoying this.

Bath time!

Look at those eyes!

Such a cute little tongue

Daddy loves his girl

Oh! So much Mommy love

Happy Family

Snoozing on Daddy

Finley - Part One

2010-07-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how many "parts" this tale will have but I am certain that I won't be able to complete it in one telling.

As many of you know, I was pretty darn sure that Finley was going to come early. In fact, my only stipulation was that she wait until after June 13th when I graduated. Once that day came and went, I was ready. Ready, ready, READY!

And then...she didn't come. And then again...she didn't come. And finally...she didn't come.

I kept going to my weekly checkups and my midwife kept telling me, "go ahead and schedule the next appointment, but you probably won't need it."

I kept needing it.

I was tired and big and so OVER being pregnant. And then my due date came and went. And every night before I went to bed I would have contraction upon contraction and think, "ok! tonight is the night!"

And then...she wouldn't come.

Finally, on Friday, two days past my due date, I resorted to acupuncture. I was stuck with a dozen and a half needles, I sniffed citrus ("To draw the baby out!") and I had a radish seed stuck on the uterus point in my ear (did you know your ear has a uterus point?). Clearly, I was willing to try anything.

That night, contractions were about 10 to 12 minutes apart but, knowing that going to bed usually stopped contractions, I wasn't too excited. I ended up sleeping comfortably through the night but woke up about 6am with a pretty decent contraction. I got out of bed and began timing them and found they were about 6 to 7 minutes apart.

Morgan and Conor got up and contractions continued to come every 6 minutes but they weren't too intense. I took a nice hot bath and read a book and everything felt great. I had decided from the beginning that I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible. I had gone to the hospital fairly early in my labor with Conor and I was there for nearly 24 hours before he was born and it was not an experience I wanted to repeat. I knew I could be in for a long day so we decided to ship Conor off to Opa and Grandma's so that I could relax and focus on getting through each contraction as it came.

Morgan and I went for a walk around the neighborhood at about 10:30 and contractions really sped up and became increasingly uncomfortable. They were pretty steady at 4 minutes apart but still weren't unmanagable as far as pain went. That day was hot and I was sweaty and hungry so we cut our walk short and got some lunch. We then ran over to Target for more walking and to pick up a couple last minute supplies.

I'm sure you can imagine my disappointment when my contractions slowed to 6 minutes apart, then 10 minutes apart, then 15 minutes apart. Oh, I was so looking forward to meeting my girl and here my contractions had almost stopped altogether. With more errands to run, Morgan and I went out to get him some work boots for his new job (yeah! new job! more on that some other time) and STILL nothing!

We decided to go for one last walk hoping that it would jump start contractions again. This was about 2:30pm and boy did that do the trick! Contractions came rushing back at 4 minutes apart and became so strong that I would have to stop and lean on something until they passed. We did one short loop, and headed back home to pack the hospital bag.

We called my wonderful doula, Melissa at about 4 o'clock and she arrived at our house by about 4:30. By this point, the contractions had slowed to 5 minutes apart but they were intense. And by intense I mean really, amazingly, blindingly painful. Every time a contraction would begin, I would run (waddle) to my birth ball, rest my arms on it and moan my way through it. Morgan and Melissa were so incredibly helpful while I was laboring. They reminded me to breathe, kept me calm and focused on taking each contraction one at a time.

At one point I asked Melissa when we should go to the hospital. She said the decision was mine and that I would just know when it was time to go. I remember at one point leaning on the ball and finishing a contraction and thinking, yeah, we better go. I don't know why, but Melissa was right. My body just KNEW it was time to go. Contractions were still about 5 minutes apart so I knew we had plenty of time and that I would still be labor at the hospital for several hours so I told Morgan to drive quickly but carefully and avoid bumps at all costs.

As soon as I got into the car though, I was hit with a BIG ONE. As in, don't drive carefully, just DRIVE! I had two more of those on the 10 minute drive to the hospital. By the time we pulled into the parking lot my contractions had rocketed up to 2 minutes apart but they were also about 90 seconds long.

Because I couldn't walk during a contraction and I only had about 30 seconds between each contraction it took us nearly 20 minutes to walk from the parking garage up to maternity. At one point I was given a wheelchair and Morgan would run with the chair in the 30 second between contractions. When I felt one coming on, I would have him stop the chair, I would stand up, lean against him and moan. Loudly. Like, really, really, REALLY loudly. I was THAT pregnant lady. The one you see in movies or on TV. The one that makes women without children never want to have children.

Finally we made it to labor and delivery and they kept trying to ask me questions and I was all "I don't even know my name, there is no way I can give you my social security number or tell you if I have an advance directive." They quickly wheeled me back to triage where I was asked to provide a urine sample. I'm all, "um, ok, I'll try" all the while thinking "are they freaking kidding me!"

A kind nurse came in, checked for cervical dilation and then stuff started to happen. I was told to immediately get on the gurney and was quickly shuttled down the hallway. (They actually ran me into the wall three times...I guess they were in a rush.) We got into the labor and delivery room (where I assumed I would be for the next few hours) and all of a sudden there were a dozen people all around me. I was strapped to the monitors (screaming for the epidural - screw natural childbirth - that sh*t is for the birds. I want drugs and I want them NOW! I actually told Morgan if he didn't get me the epidural I would kill him. And I really, truly meant it.)

After what seemed like hours (probably about 3 minutes) I heard a man's voice through the door and I was certain he was my own Epidural King. Savior of my sanity and my hero for life.

Not the case.

It was Dr. Bair. Apparently the midwife who was on call that day was at home and Dr. Bair was just going to keep an eye on me until Mary could get there. I know my eyes got big because I was like, a man! I don't want a strange man looking at my lady bits. Where is my midwife? I'm a hippy now! I have natural childbirths! I did acupuncture and walked around with a radish seed in my ear!

Um, no. Dr. Bair began to do an examination and said, "Oh! There's the head. Start pushing."

Um, excuse me. What? No, no. I don't think you understand. I'm not ready to push. I want an epidural. I need to rest. Let's just wait a bit.

And then I heard maybe the scariest words. "Can someone please page the NICU and have them on standby." I looked at Dr. Bair. He looked at me. He said calmly, but rather sternly, "Erin, the baby's heart rate is dangerously low. If you don't push, RIGHT NOW, I will have to get the vacuum out. You need to push and you need to push NOW."

Ok then. Here we go. I looked at the clock. It was 6:15 pm. I pushed. I pushed again. I gave one last push and she was out. I looked at the clock. It was 6:22pm.

She was perfect. They laid her on my chest, covered her with a blanket and she was mine. My perfect, little, itty bitty angel with blue eyes and a fuzzy head. She stayed on my chest for about a hour and then, when the nurses tended to me, they had Morgan take his shirt off and he got to enjoy a perfect moment of skin to skin contact with his beautiful daughter. In all my life, I've never seen a more perfect and beautiful picture.

Three days late, our girl wanted to come on her own time. And, despite my pleas for the epidural, she came too quickly and allowed me the natural childbirth that I wanted all along. It's a powerful feeling knowing that I gave birth to my girl all without drugs or intervention.

Finley, for her part, is a perfect little doll. So sweet and quiet and quite the little cuddle bug. She has taken to breastfeeding like a champ and is getting more and more alert every day. We all love her so much and can't imagine our lives without her. Our family was perfect before, but now its perfect and complete.

Finley Clare Walsh

Born July 10, 2010, 6:22pm

7 pounds, 7 ounces

20.5 inches long

Perfect in every way

Quick Takes

2010-07-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

Um, have I mentioned I have a new baby? Yes, she;s keeping me from blogging but hopefully within the next few days I can get it together enough to post some pictures and tell you the story. Its a doozy!

In the meantime, please enjoy the following cuteness.

Thank you

2010-06-25T13:34:00.000-07:00

This is a post I've been meaning to write for a few weeks now but I've put it off because I don't feel up to the task. Its hard to think that mere words can convey the depth of my gratitude to all those who have helped me or inspired me to finally graduate. But, they need to be said so here goes.

First of all I have to thank my Aunt Colleen. She, and others, might be surprised to find herself on this list but she was truly my inspiration to go back to school. Colleen herself gained her teaching credentials just a few years ago and when I saw her do it I thought to myself, well, if she can go back to college then certainly I can too. So, Colleen, a big fat THANK YOU for providing me the inspiration to get back on the horse and finish. Without your example, I truly don't think I would have ever had the courage to go back. Also, thanks for watching Conor. :)

Next I have to thank my Dad and Diana who not only provided moral support and unwavering encouragement (they also stroked my ego when I got good grades) but they financed all of my schooling prior to my return to PSU. Meaning they paid for 2 years of Community College credits that were spread over at least 5 years, at least 2 D's and definitely 1 F. They also paid for parking passes, textbooks, and took vacation days to watch Conor when I was in a pinch. Because of their financial support my student debt level is HALF of what it could have (should have) been. So, D & D, THANK YOU! Not only for always believing that I could do it, but showing your belief in such tangible ways.

I also owe a huge debt (ha ha, get it?) of gratitude to Mom and Art. Mom especially always squealed when I did well in school and, silly as it sounds, it felt really good to be squealed over. Mom also provided countless free babysitting hours, picked Conor up at school when he was sick and they couldn't get a hold of me and always told me how proud she was of me. Additionally, and no small potatoes either, Mom and Art paid for day care for Conor for the entire 18 months I was in school. On top of that, they wrote the checks to me and then I paid day care so I got the tax write off. Serious big deal here. So, Mom and Art, THANK YOU for providing a safe place for Conor to go while I went and schooled myself. Poor Art was probably thinking, hey! I've only been in the family two years, why do I get stuck footing the bill! :) (just kidding)

Papa. I have to thank Papa for always knowing I could do this even though I didn't end up finishing until 9 years after he died. I like to think that he's up in Heaven and tickled pink.

And finally, and most importantly, Morgan. (oh no, I'm tearing up, I'm not sure I can get through this. Ok, deeep breath) Morgan, who has sacrificed so, so, SO much allowing me to not work so that I could stay home with Conor and go to school. He has stood, unwaveringly, by my side every. darn. step of the way, and even when he was laid off and money was tight, tight, tight, he never asked me to quit school. Even when I was frustrated and discouraged and probably pretty insane, he never once even insinuated that I should quit or that my lack of employment was too much. His steadfast support has been remarkable and I can't believe how lucky I am. He didn't even blink when I told him I wanted to go back to school. He just looked at me, smiled and said "Ok, babe, you can do it." Just like that. Amazing. When I say I couldn't have done this without him, I mean I literally could not have done this without him. I wouldn't have gone back, I wouldn't have persevered, I wouldn't have finished. I owe it all to Morgan, every last little bit of it. So, Morgan, thank you is just the tip of the iceberg. Those two words don't describe the immeasurable ways you have supported me, loved me and kept me from losing my sh*t over the last two years. I love you so much I can hardly stand it.

And, if I didn't mention you by name, please know that the support of my friends and family has been so...amazing...remarkable...I need a better thesaurus because I don't have the words. Real, real good is what I'm sayin'. So, to you, thanks. I mean it.

Auntie

2010-06-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

No, there is no objectivity here. I have the cutest nieces and nephew in the ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD.

JT, born August 2005. I fell in love with this little munchkin the first darn second I saw him.

(Seriously? I couldn't be bothered to pull up my bra strap? Also, I LOVED this tank top. Wonder what happened to it.?)

Anny Lynn, born May 2007. We were fortunate enough to be in Tucson when she was born. I think Anna was probably less than 12 hours old when this picture was taken. She was so teeny and so adorable and stole my heart. Also, I was about 3 days pregnant with Conor. Who knew?

(MERCY! Look how tan I was! There are not a lot of times when I miss AZ but, holy beautiful tan, Batman!)

The newest edition, Harper Mae, born June 2010. Hands down the teeniest, tiniest little girl I've ever seen. This one made my heart pound, my uterus contract and sent her un-born cousin into a fit of feverish kicks.

(Please forgive the grainy cell phone picture and the alarming whiteness of my arm.)

All kidding aside, I'm pretty darn lucky to be Auntie to three such adorable, charming, wonderful little kiddos. Its going to be so much fun for Conor and Finley to grow up alongside their cousins. I can't wait for the fun!

Mission: Accomplished

2010-06-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

When I decided to go back to school it was out of desperation. I had been laid off halfway through my pregnancy but was certain that I would love being a stay at home mom. In fact, during extremely stressful days on the job, I would always remind myself that someday I would have kids and I would stay home with them and work would be a thing of the past.

HA! Every mom who has ever stayed home for a day with their child just laughed at me and my naivete.

I had always wanted to be a teacher but had convinced myself that more important than doing what made me happy was making MONEY! The big bucks. We all know that the teaching profession does not have a stop on the road riches. I found my way into real estate finance, found moderate success and the potential to make the big bucks and settled in for the long haul. But I hated it. Ugh. I really, really, really hated it.

About two months after Conor was born I knew I was not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I knew I wanted to go back to work but just as surely I knew I couldn't go back into the mortgage industry. I just...couldn't. In fact, even now, three years after being (mercifully) laid off, my stomach flips over and my palms sweat at the mere thought of mortgages.

I"m not really sure how the thought came about to go back to school and finally persue my dream of teaching. But on April 25, 2008 I applied for financial aid and began the process of becoming a college student.

It wasn't easy. In fact, I don't know what kept me going. Applications were lost, transcripts were misplaced, Portland State admitted me, then un-admitted me, then made me pay $50 to re-admit me. I had NO idea what I was doing. I was afraid of being the oldest person on campus. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep up, I was afraid that people would think I was SO uncool that I would be laughed off campus. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to carry a backpack or a bookbag or nothing? Was I supposed to just lug my books around? Did people even use books anymore? What if I couldn't find my class? WHAT IF I COULDN'T DO IT?

Well, I did it. And I did it with honors which was a silly idea I had entertained before I even enrolled for my first term. And sometimes the thought that I did it, that I completed something BIG, takes my breath away. And it doesn't have anything to do with being a mom, or being pregnant, or being over 30. It has everything to do with taking the one, terrifying first step on April 25, 2008 and then taking that last deep-breath-heave-a-sigh-of-relief last step on June 13, 2010. All of a sudden, I'm not afraid to try anymore. And that, friends, is my real accomplishment.

It's So Loud

2010-06-21T18:56:00.000-07:00

I've written a post before about yelling in our house and how much I HATE it. But it almost seems inevitable sometimes. Like when Conor drops his snack on the floor and Tucker immediately bolts for it and I yell at Tucker, "Tucker, STOP!" And I yell at Conor "Conor! Pick up your snack!" And I'm not yelling to be mean or really because I'm angry its just that, in that moment, it seems like yelling is the only way to get everything to slow down a bit. To just get everyone to STOP for just a moment before proceeding with our regularly scheduled life.

So I wonder, is that type of yelling, this yelling only to quickly get Conor or Tucker's attention, really the same as yelling yelling?

I like to think that its somehow different, that somehow Conor knows I'm not upset with him, I'm only trying to get his attention as quickly as possible to avert a major (or minor) crisis.

Time. Out.

2010-06-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

We have a time out chair in the playroom next to the desk which suffers from lack of use. Most often if a time out is necessary Conor has to go to his bedroom and sit on his bed and I shut the door. Its the door shutting that really gets him and usually sends him into fits of sad, sad tears. Honestly, I don't really care what he does in his bedroom as long as he stays there. He hasn't realized this yet and will sit forlornly on the bed until I come to get him.

The thing about the bedroom time out, as opposed to the chair in the corner time out, is just how much better we both feel once he comes out. Those two minutes (ok, sometimes significantly more than two minutes) alone give him a chance to calm down (bedroom time outs are almost always the result of eons on whining and way too many warnings) and give me a chance to collect my thoughts and remind myself that he's two. He's two and there's not much I can do about it except let him live until he is no longer two.

So, bedroom time outs continue and we both live another day.

3D, Baby!

2010-06-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

I had another ultrasound yesterday which I almost cancelled at the last minute. They wanted to check, once again, on Finley's placenta/umbilical cord thing and I felt like they were making a mountain out of a molehill and just didn't really want them to look for problems on my insides. The chances of finding anything abnormal were extremely slim but if they didn't see exactly what they wanted they then wanted to continuously monitor me and ugh...just, no. No.

In the end, my more rational, less soap-box-standing side won out and I'm so glad. Its always fun to see pcitures of our little girl and this time was even better because they used the 3D scan on her. Check out the cuteness!

Finley is there on the left, her hands are in her mouth and that...thing...in the upper right is my (her?) placenta. Good times! She's using it as a pillow and it must be very comfortable because other than some slight shifting, she hasn't really moved in months.

And, ironically, they still weren't able to see what they were looking for, however, using some superior doctor genius smarts, they looked at one picture that showed the insertion of umbilical cord into placenta and another picture that showed placement of umbilical cord into placenta and, GUESS WHAT? Its all totally fine! Hmmm, its almost like they were looking for problems. Thanks, Doc!

The very best news of all? My midwife said that I'm full term and Finley could come any time now. She also cleared me to have accupuncture/accupressure in order to jump start labor if I want to. (I want to.) So, the next few days are going to be filled with me scouring the internet for natural ways to jump start labor.

Wish us luck!

Strawberry Fields Forever

2010-06-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

A whole bunch of pictures can say it better than I ever could. Beautiful day at the beautiful strawberry patch.

Oh, the horror!

2010-06-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

**When I say that in my head I sound like I am from Jersey or something. Oh, the horra!**

I was grocery shopping the other day and bought beer for Morgan. The checker kindly asked for my ID even though I OBVIOUSLY look over 21. Sometimes when they do that I feel like I should tip them. Anyway...I hand it to her and she types the number in and...

Checker: Oops! I typed in the wrong number. (Pause) Oh, that's weird, it still worked.
Me: (Absentmindedly) Hmm. that's strange. What number did you type in?
Checker: I typed in the right birth month and day but I typed in 1989 instead of 1979.
Me: Oh, strange, that shouldn't wor...(cruel realization dawning)...OH. MY. GAAAAAH---That would work! (Beginning to hyperventilate) That would work! 1989 would work? (DOOOOOOM!).

So that was fun. Turns out that mere children born in 1989 are able to buy beer.

The real cruelty was that I couldn't even drink the damn beer.

See? Soccer Star!

2010-06-10T06:49:00.000-07:00

Letters

2010-06-09T06:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Finley,

Please come out. Please?

No?

Ok then, please let me know when you WILL be coming out. Like, maybe an email or something.

A text? Carrier pigeon? No?

Hmmm...

----------------------------------

Dear Conor,

Please resume sleeping through the night. Please?

No?

Ok then, please call out Daddy's name when you wake up. Mommy really needs her sleep. Like, really, really.

No?

Hmmm...I see a problem here.

Potty Training

2010-06-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

We began potty training on Friday using a system called Three Day Potty Training which had come highly recommended from two friends of mine. Both assured me that their sons were potty trained within three days and that the system was nearly fool proof.

Well, friends, this particular fool has proved them wrong! After 4 days and one successful pee-pee in the potty and 2 dozen accidents and another 2 dozen freakouts over sitting on the potty, we've decided to give it a rest.

Poor Conor practically refuses to even walk by the bathroom now and my once happy and cheerful child has turned into a sullen, recalcitrant, clingy shadow of his former self and I think its time to call this one.

We'll try again in a few months and hopefully have more success. Perhaps some naked time in the backyard this summer will encourage him to do his business in the potty instead of in his Lightening McQueen underroos.

Not to end on such a sad-sack note, Conor's a soccer star! We bought him a soccer ball a few weeks ago when he could barely kick a ball and stay on his feet. He and Morgan play a lot in the backyard and this weekend we watched him run while kicking the ball. Quite a feat of coordination for a not quite two and half year old.

And anyway, I hear soccer stars don't NEED to pee-pee on the potty. So we're gooood.

The End of the Road

2010-06-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

We heard back from Portland Fire and Rescue this weekend and unfortunately Morgan was not selected to proceed to a Firefighter Trainee. I wanted to thank everyone who has been so, so, SO supportive of Morgan as he decided to go after this dream.

There are good things in store for our family even if they don't include firefighting. We are so proud of Morgan for all he has accomplished and love, love, love him for all he does for our family. Morgan is our rock, our anchor and the lifeline that Conor and I cling to. We are the luckiest people in the world to have such a man in our family.

Love you, Babe!

Update

2010-06-03T06:49:00.000-07:00

I had my 35 week checkup this week and so far it looks like little Miss Finley is doing well. A couple of brief highlights.

*I'm measuring a bit on the small side at 32cm instead of the expected 35cm. This is good news as it could potentially mean I might give birth to a petite little thing instead of another gargantuan monster like before. It also could mean absolutely nothing.
*I DIDN'T GAIN ANY WEIGHT! This probably had more to do with the return on morning sickness and indigestion than any strict dietary guidelines on my part.
*I'm scheduled for yet ANOTHER ultrasound in two weeks. Apparently there is still some concern that the whole umbilical cord/placenta thing is not sufficiently resolved, so back I go. Best case scenario: everything is fine and labor and delivery can proceed normally. Worst case scenario: umbilical cord insertion into the placenta is sub par and Finley and I will require continuous fetal monitoring while I am in labor. Worse worst case scenario: my already low-lying placenta could be determined to be too near my cervix for safe vaginal delivery and I have to schedule a c-section. The ultrasound will also give me an estimate of her weight which, again, could mean absolutely nothing.

I had my very last class session of my undergraduate education on Tuesday and have one final available online today and another one available online next week. Soon I will be all finished and Finley is encouraged to come as soon as possible after that. My fingers are crossed as I am tired and ready to have this baby! Because, you know, nothing like a newborn and a rowdy toddler to provide tons of sleep time!