So, I'll start with the most important, Conor and Fin. They're kind of awesome. Conor is finally, slowly working his way out of the TERRIBLE 3's. Lord have mercy this has been one hell of a stage. Such stubbornness, such defiance, such just kind of being an a-hole. And then, in the blink of an eye, he's telling me he loves and Mommy? can we please snuggle? Oh, 3. You're a wily little monkey. I can't stand how much I love him.
Finley? Oh. My. She is just the cutest little handful you've ever seen. Feisty and willful and sassy. I really don't know where she gets it. She's the girl who will walk into a room and do whatever is needed to be sure all eyes are on her. This is adorable now but terrifying when she gets to college. Like, super terrifying. When I drop her off at day care in the morning the first thing her teachers do is put up all the baby gates. She's a mini hurricane wrapped around a tornado with thunder and lightning thrown in for good measure. She'll give you a kiss, meow like a cat and then smack you in the eye like it's all nothing to her. I can't stand how much I love her.
Our house is great even though it's been a pretty big source of stress for me. I do trust Morgan's vision for our house but I'm not patient so I want it all to happen NOW! But it's slowly coming together and slowly feeling like home and I've finally caught up on laundry so I'm starting to feel a little more grounded. I have Morgan, I have my little monkeys, what more can I ask for?
Work? Oh dear, that's a different story. I really love being back at work. Like, really, really love it. I thought I would miss the kids more, and I do, but I'm so NOT meant to be a stay at home mom. But being a working mom is a whole different kind of stress. It's the constantly running late for something, never having the right outfit and feeling a whole lot like I don't know what I'm doing. But, oh how I love to have grown up conversations and feel like I'm actually accomplishing things. Also, money is nice.
Today Morgan had a service call on a light tower that had been rented by the Portland Police Department and was being used in the middle of the Occupy Portland camp. I have been completely transfixed by the looming conflict between the Occupiers and the police and Mayor and so I had Kristen watch the kids so I could go along. It was just fascinating to be down there and see all the madness. We were there for about an hour and while Morgan was doing his thing I wandered around to get a feel for what was going on. Mostly just a bunch of surly looking folks (most of them looked, and smelled, like hobos) and it was a little scary and a lot exciting. I was sort of riveted watching the police line up, arms length apart, surrounding the two parks. I was impressed with their restraint while being taunted by some of the more rowdy protesters and tried to make it very clear that I was just an on-looker so please don't arrest me, okay? We ended up leaving before things got too out of hand, but it was fun to be in the middle of the excitement for a bit.
Life is just busy these days. I miss my friends, I miss my me time, I miss having a moment or two to clean the house, I miss spending quality time with Morgan where we're not interrupted every freaking 3 seconds by the needs of two very adorable, yet very demanding little people. I'm told that it won't always be this way, that soon their needs will become fewer and our time will become more and that I'll miss this constant neediness. Right now, if I'm being honest, I can't see how I'll miss this. But I suppose, like any stage of childhood, it comes with it's own challenges which are always outweighed by it's rewards. I remind myself that it won't be too much longer before Conor won't ask to snuggle (it's hard even now to get him to hold my hand, independent little monster that he is) and soon Finley won't meow like a cat just to see us laugh. It's funny how every day their needs weigh me down but that every day they're growing away from me. It's liberating and terrifying all at the same time.
I'm spending so much time trying to wrap my arms around this life that we've built, trying to corral all the madness and that makes it hard for me to enjoy it. But the tick-tock of time marches on (hello cliche anyone?) and if I don't let a bit go I'll wake up one day and not remember all the tiny precious moments that make up this chaotic, beautiful life.
