The love I feel for Conor is so strong I'm often surprised and frightened by it. I'm sure every mother feels this way about her child so this, in itself, is not news. What is news is that today, for the first time really, I felt that same all consuming passion for Finley.
What new mothers are not often told is that you may not immediately fall madly in love with your child. In fact, you may feel a sort of vague apathy toward this little creature you have grown and birthed.
With Conor this feeling terrified the life right out of me. Here was my helpless infant child and I didn't feel passionately in love with him. Surely there must be something wrong with me? I loved him, of course, and I would have thrown myself in front of a bus for him, but in looking at him I didn't find it hard to breathe at the sight of his face or the smell of his little head. It was a scary time for me.
Eventually, of course, I fell for him. And so, when I discovered that I wasn't yet passionate about little Miss Finley I was content knowing that in time I would be consumed by love for her. And today, as I was sitting on the couch with Finley in my arms,waiting for her to fall asleep, I leaned down to kiss her little button nose and I thought, "Have I ever loved someone as much as I love you?" And there it was. All of a sudden that same love I feel for Conor came crashing down on my head for Finley and she took my breath away.