Monday, February 15, 2010

20 weeks

I'm halfway there!

FEeling good lately. Lots of energy so I've been doing lots of cleaning. Also, lots of yardwork. Very strange as I generally hate yard work and getting dirty in general. Oh hormones! What you do to a girl!

Pregnancy # 2 is sooo much different than pregnancy # 1. I was asked today if I was planning to do anything differently this time around. And the answer is a BIG. FAT. YES! First and foremost, I'm going to enjoy this pregnancy. There was so much going on when I was pregnant with Conor. I lost my job so I went from working 12 hours a day to working 0 hours a day. We moved. I sat at home all day every day with my biggest excitement being my weekly trip to the grocery store. I ate. Like, a lot. A lot of cereal and PB&J sandwiches. A lot of orange juice. A lot of whatever the hell I felt like. And so, I gained 50 pounds. Let's put that in perspective, shall we? I was 125 pounds when I got pregnant with Conor. %0 pounds later I delivered him at 175 pounds. And I'm only 5'3". I was huge and uncomfortable and I felt terrible and I had back pain and leg pain and "I'm bored and lonely pain" and "get this dang kid out of me" pain. And ultimately, I was very jealous of those women who enjoyed being pregnant. And so, I am enjoying this pregnancy. I'll start by exercising some self control and NOT eating everything in sight and I will remind myself, again and again and again if necessary, that this is the last time I will be pregnant. THis is my LAST chance to ENJOY being pregnant. And, this is about ME, not about the particular baby I happen to be carrying. And so, pregnancy is fun.

I am also not at all worried about the baby or following the 50 kajillion rules that the baby books tell you about. In fact, I sometimes get a little revelation and go, "oh yeah! I'm pregnant". Unlike my pregnancy with Conor, it is not the only thing on my mind. Which I feel both great and guilty about. On the other hand, I am SO MUCH more connected to this baby. I talk to him (oh yes, I"m certain its a him) more and I feel like, whoa, I know what is coming. I know I'm going to be head over heels for this kid. With Conor, I wasn't aware of the depth of feeling a mother has for her child. Oh I know it now and while I don't know how it will be possible to love enough for two, I know, without fear or reservation, that my heart will burst with joy and love on the day that I meet him.

I also burp. A lot. You know, not to get too sappy on y'all.

Also, my skin is a mess and so is my hair. I have cuter clothes this time around though. You take the good with the bad, I guess.

So, I'm halfway through and rather than wish it over, I'll enjoy these next 20 weeks (or so) as much as I can.

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