And you have fleas! Seriously? As if the constant expression of your anal glands, in the house no less, isn't enough, you have the audacity to go and get fleas? What's that? I should have given you flea treatment weeks ago? Whatevs dog, you need to get RESPONSIBLE.
You snore louder than my ear plugs can muffle, you bark at both squirrels and your own reflection. You have an uncanny ability to jump on only those visitors who really, REALLY don't want you to and always touch me with your wet and disgusting nose.
But, you are so SWEET! Not that I can give you away, but if I could, I would have a line of people at the front door waiting to take you home. You are universally loved and adored by everyone but me. You are affectionate and gentle and so stupid it makes me shrug my shoulder and pat your dumb little head.
You can curl up into the tiniest black and white bundle or sprawl out and take up waaaaay more than your fair share of our queen size bed. And you bark and run in your sleep and, I'm sorry, it doesn't get cuter than that. You've never once been aggressive to people or animals and your dopey bark brings a smile to almost everyone.
Best of all, best, best, BEST of all, you allow Conor to commit all sorts of atrocities upon you and the only punishment you serve is a big ol' tongue kiss. You've been ridden, bounced upon, pushed, tackled and you've even had your man bits tugged on (yeah, that was a close one, Conor).
Through cats, dogs, moving and babies, you've remained our faithful and loving companion. Oh Bubba, how we love to hate you.
You let me dress you in cardigans
You've accompanied us hiking
You've shared your bed.
More than once.
We can't help but love you.
*Sung like you would for Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia