In sickness and in health

I promised that to Morgan but apparently, as Conor is the spawn of Morgan, the same applies to him.

Oh, the boy was sick. Like throw up sick. Like oh my heavens, seriously, this is beyond disgusting sick. Before last week, Conor had thrown up exactly three times in his life.

Time 1: 9 months old, after dinner, into my mouth. No really, let that one sink in a bit. I was playing with him, apparently a little too enthusiastically, the vomit came and it hit my mouth. I stood up, screamed at Morgan to do something, get me something and he proceeded to run circles around me. Doing, ever so helpfully, nothing. Oh, well, he laughed. THAT helped.

Time 2: Middle of the night, I didn't notice until he woke up the next morning. Seemed to be feeling fine so, non-issue.

Time 3: Just after he started school I was called to get him with a 103 degree fever. Took him home, and dosed him with Tylenol which he promptly threw up down my shirt. It was gross, of course (he had spaghetti for lunch that day), but paled in comparison to Time 1.

But all three of the above were one shot jobs. I was woefully unprepared for a real bout of the flu. And so I present to you:

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT THE FLU
-Throw up is gross. No matter who it comes from. Why do people tell you, before you become a parent, that you won't mind your own child's vomit? Who are these people and 1) why do they lie and 2) why do they like vomit?
-You should always keep your house stocked with Pedialyte and pudding cups. Otherwise you have to send your mom out to the store to buy them for you. You are too afraid to leave the house for fear of another "vomitous episode".
-A child gives very little indication when he is about to be sick
-A child does not get sick in the toilet
-Or a bowl
-Or even a towel thrust under his mouth at the last minute
-A child gets sick in between the cushions of the couch.
-I still do not know why this happens.
-A child will throw up one minute, then run around the house like a crazy person the next, then spew vomit out of his mouth (still on the go!) the moment after that.
-A child does not know how to get vomit out of his mouth. He will require the loving hands of his mother to help. The mother will question her love and devotion to said child.
-It is possible to do eight loads of laundry before noon on a Monday.
-Even if a mother has received her H1N1 vaccination her son will still share his flu bug with her.
-The movie Cars is a god send and I heart Disney.

The end